In The Pub
I was talking to a man in the pub tonight. I said, “I got a parking ticket today.” He said, “Really? Where did you get it?” I said, “Under my windscreen wiper.”
On a recent trip to Australia, I witnessed a shark sunbathing in a fever of cartilaginous fishes. It was Basking in the Rays.
I have just designed a photo app for grandmothers. It is called “Instagran”
I glanced through a window today and thought I saw a sheep pole dancing. On closer inspection it was a kebab shop.
My friend is a tree surgeon. He has lost many patients who simply refused to climb up there.
My friends called me stingy so I decided to buy them a beer. Turns out they wanted one each.
I told my friend I rode to work on a camel the other day. He said “I bet you got some stares?” I said “No I just jumped up as best I could.”
I keep all my puff pastry recipes in alphabetical order in my Filofax.
When I started my new job in the City, I turned up naked. I got a bit confused, I thought I was learning how to deal with shocks and stares.
I poured broth all over my car yesterday. It really souped it up.