Son’S Friend Has Meltdowns

[Jenarry]

My 12 yr old son has a friend who’s less than a year younger . He can be a nice lad ,smiley and happy but he often seems to be one little thing away from having a meltdown ...raising his voice and getting upset. Something that really bothers me is that practically every time they spend time together at some point my son’s friend will want to do something particular ( ie play a certain game ,or do something in a game ) and if my son doesn’t toe the line he gets very upset and says angrily ‘ if you dont do xyz i’m not going to be your friend anymore ‘
I feel sorry for my son as he’s really easy going ( a bit too soft at times) and he’s not used to this sort of thing . There’s times when his friend has become upset over next to nothing and whatever my son says or does ,doesn’t make a difference and friend stays in a sulk. It often happens once they’ve had quite a bit of time together so I thought that was the cause but can also happen after just being together for an hour .
I asked son if it happens at his friends house too and he said it does. I asked how his mum handles it and apparently she either doesn’t hear or decides not to intervene. :(
I tried talking to the friend last time this happened . Saying it’s not something you should say to people but he wouldn’t answer me. :(
Is this normal thing for kids to say . I would’ve thought he should be growing out of behaviour like this .

[Mamyalynne]

Well, you've tried your best - yes the lad shouldn't be having stroppy tantrums but they often do.

Give your son permission to deal with it calmly his way or ask him does he want to reduce his contact with the other boy.

Often these things irk us more than they do those involved.

[Jenarry]

I asked my son what he thinks when friend says ‘ I won’t be your friend anymore’. He said the 1st time he thought -Whoa that’s a bit of an over-reaction over next to nothing - and thought he meant it but now he doesn’t bother too much . It does bother him when he gets in a sulk though and he can’t get him to snap out of it . :/

[sherrardk]

There could be loads of reasons for his behaviour - if your son is more happy than sad about the situation I’d keep out of it (learnt from bitter experience).

[Mamyalynne]

He sounds a sensible boy, am sure he'll sort it out.

[ummmm]

I'd tell your son to just ignore him when he gets like that so he's not getting the attention he wants.

Do they live close to each other?

[RainbowRafiki]

It seems like his friend's mom spoils him. You did a good job by raising your son to tell the truth.

[kvalidir]

He might be anything from a little immature, going through some bad times, spoilt rotten, be insecure or be on the autistic spectrum. It's hard to tell with such limited information, but whichever it is, your son seems a lovely boy who is handling it well. As Mamya says it may bother you more than it does him and indeed the way forward will be to let him deal with it his own way or if he prefers and it's bothering him too slowly and gently reduce contact. It might be worth asking the boys parents if they are aware he might be upset about something and hat the best way is of dealing wit that for them as you're concerned it might eventually cause an issues between your son and he and you'd hate for that to happen as you both really like him x

[rowanwitch]

Send him home when he gets like that. Make it clear it's not your sons decision but when he's round your place you will not accept rude or unkind behaviour. Maybe he will benefit from having someone give him a few firmer limits.

[horselady]

My 7 yr old grandson is on the autistic spectrum and behaves like that if he loses a game or other people don't play the game he wants. Can be very trying at times, my attitude is that he needs to learn but his parents give in and contrive to let him win. They do so to avoid the huge meltdowns.

[ummmm]

And my son is autistic but didn't behave like that.

[rowanwitch]

Two of my best friends have autistic sons. Both support one another in keeping strict and consistant rules about behaviour. The boys are best friends most of the time. It's been so hard for the mums but both lads have adapted well enough to go to college with support.

[Jenarry]

Thanks everyone for your advice . I do wonder if there is a reason behind the behaviour . His mum does try to be tough with him but it must be very trying for her . He is funny when he gets himself worked up . It’s either he’s determined to be in a strop and doesn’t want to be talked round or he zones out and isn’t even listening to you . My son appears looking a bit lost as he doesn’t know what to do . It’s a shame.