Softly softly method

[whitbybabe]

I was always shouted at as a kid ,always by Mum,and she threw anything at you if she got mad and IF she could catch you ,you got belted (slapped).
I have only had one child who is now 12,soon to be 13 and although I do shout sometimes I have never laid a finger on him,ever.OK,he is very cheeky at times but has never been destructive or drawn on the walls etc.
Every day he still gives us a cuddle before bed and tells me and his Dad that he loves us.
Am I doing it all wrong ?
He does well at school,doesn't skive and loves all his cousins to bits.(3 boys aged three,two and one, and a girl 18 months).He helps me prepare food and is mad about cars.
Don't think we have gone too wrong ??

[unruliejulie]

hi whitbybabe, i have been fairly soft with my lad too (15) and i am proud to say he has turned into a great young man, always helpful and he is absolutely fantastic with my 3 year old. I have never had to go into school due to bad behaviour and he has never once caused me a sleepless night. I think we have done something right. My son is the same as yours in respect that we always tell each other " i love you" and we still have loads of cuddles. I dont think you have to rule them with a rod of iron, they just need to know you love them and respect them and will always be there for them! Mind you, theres still time yet!!!! LOL

[RATTER15]

Treat kids with love and affection from early on and you will be re-payed a million times over with their love and affection, if you shout and scream at them they will just be very distant from you emotionally.

[noxlumos]

We have a very large family including one son who is deaf and I have to say I would never dream of hitting my children and never even raise my voice if at all possible.
I was beaten as a matter of course most days when I was little and I swore I would never abuse the position of parent with my own under any circumstances and we've had the same results as you, pleasant happy kids who aren't a big problem.Lots of I love you's and affection, support and enthusiasm is all you need.
Softly, softly every time.

[unruliejulie]

Hi nox, im sorry to hear you didnt have a great childhood, but look what a fantastic parent it turned you into. I think it will always go one way or the other in those circumstances.
My Mum was somewhat neglected as a kid and she always vowed she would never treat her kids like that, and boy, she didn't! The cycle needs to be broken in those situations and you proved it can be done. I admire you and from what i always read in parenting on here from you, you sound like a top notch Dad!!!!!

[ugly_bob]

Sounds like you've really messed him up. He's missed out on a normal childhood of stealing cars and terrorising the neighbourhood. How's he ever supposed to progress into a petty criminal and thug if he hasn't even got an ASBO yet?
Shame on you.

[unruliejulie]

lmao @uglybob!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[123paul]

Sounds like you have got it just right.

[whitbybabe]

Thank you for that !!