Ex Mother In Laws Funeral

[nailit]

I posted a thread on xmas day to say that I received a phone call to say that my ex mother in law had died that morning.
Her funeral is on Monday. Even though me and my ex split up 7 yrs ago, I remained good friends with her mum despite the fact that we (me and my ex) never spoke to each other ever again. Her choice, not mine.
Im obviously attending the funeral but wondered if anyone else had had a similar experience of attending a funeral where a certain family member might not want you there?
I would be quiet willing...albeit reluctantly...to stay away out of respect for the grief of others, but other family members of my ex mother in law have said that I SHOULD go to pay my last respects to someone who was a big part of my life and who remained a close friend.

Felling a bit out of my depth with this one at the moment (and a little apprehensive).
Anyone else been in a similar situation and how did it pan out?
Thanks for any advice, etc.

(I plan to stay in the background as much as possible)

[murraymints]

no haven't been in that situation, but agree you should go xx

[Mamyalynne]

I haven't been the unexpected or unwanted mourner but have been to funerals where this happened, never seen a scene or bother - do as you say and stay unobtrusive and pay your respects.

No one should object to that.

[Patsy33]

Follow your heart. Like you say, stay in background if need be. Best wishes.

[Barmaid]

I havent been in that situation but I would say go and pay your respects. If it kicks off, out of respect, just leave.

[Baldric]

Yes of course you should go and pay you respects, as you say she was a friend.

[nailit]

Thanks for quick replies minty, mamy, patsy and BM.
Really cant see my ex 'kicking off' but just feeling really awkward about it all. We havnt spoke in 7 yrs.

[AuntLydia]

yes I've been in this situation at least twice and found that people behaved themselves at the actual funeral and were polite. Avoid the 'do' afterwards though as that's when the potential for it to kick off is higher.

[nailit]

Thanks Baldric.

[AuntLydia]

I went to my eldest sons wedding and had not spoken to his father for nearly 10 years. It wasn't awkward, people move on.

[nailit]

AL, already been invited to the 'do' afterwards and declined. Just want to go and say goodbye to a dear friend.

[scorpiojo]

Yes, three times. The other person and I ignored each other, both at the funeral and the 'do' afterwards.

[AuntLydia]

Nailit everything will be ok I'm sure. I was not even told my ex MIL had died even though we had always been on really good terms. I was devastated I couldn't pay my last respects.

[nailit]

Thank Scorpio,
AL thanks as well.

Why people think that they have a monopoly on others people grief if beyond me!

[TonyV]

Nail if you have been invited to the "do" afterwards, I would take it as a positive and go to funeral,you'll only get one chance, but a long time to regret not being there. All the best.

[Smowball]

Hi nailit. Yes I would go too, just stay in the background and be discreet, but I’m sure it will be absolutely fine hun x

[nailit]

Thank you Tone.

[nailit]

Thanks Smow...

[naomi24]

I would go to the service and see how that goes. If it's awkward, I wouldn't go to the 'do' afterwards. You'll have paid your respects.

[nailit]

Cheers naomi, that's the plan. Just want to go say goodbye. Anything afterwards is for the living, not the deceased,

[naomi24]

I hope it goes as well as these things can.