Current Boyfriend Still In Love With Ex..

[mizfiesta]

I've recently started dating someone whose marriage broke up 18 months ago. We've only been dating for one month.
He's very open in the fact that he was very happy in his marriage - 18 years and 3 kids. She suddenly announced out of the blue she was leaving him for another man she had met.
I'm a bit apprehensive about getting involved further as I think he may still be in love with her. Just the way he talks about how happy he was in his marriage before the break. Do I hang about hoping he'll feel the same for me eventually, or run now? Have any of you any experience of a similar situation? I'm really concerned about getting hurt going forward. Ps we are both in our mid to late 40s.

[spathiphyllum]

i wouldn't run if you like how things are.. but if you feel he's still in love with his ex wife then simply ask him about it then explain your feelings.. If he speaks of her often, i'm sure he'll understand and it will also give you a few options and situations to mention something..

[rikkirose]

The situation is really unpredictable. After so many years of marriage, talking about the past and remembering is normal, because this is almost half of his life and still a large part of his conscious life. To give advice is really hard. If he compares you and reproaches something that was better for him in the past, then this is a reason to think. If, however, these conversations do not concern you personally, then I think that it is too early to think about the problem.

[spathiphyllum]

It's good that he cares for the mother of his children... It shows good quality in the man, and faith

[nicebloke1]

Takes a long time to get over 18 yrs of a happy marriage, so one month of dating is not going to change much, but could be wrong. You could give it a lot more time, but again you could be flogging a dead horse, only you will know that in time, if your willing to give it the input if you feel its worth it, by the way your thinking now, maybe its not. Good luck whatever you decide.

[spathiphyllum]

if the wife has moved on, he will eventually, because he'll have to

[Prudie]

And sometimes they come back....if you can control not 'falling in love' and just enjoy his company then carry on but you are right to be guarded until more time has past.

[Sqad]

Yes, I agree with spath 21.35.
If you are getting well together, he will (may) fall in love with you and fall out of love with her (the wife).
Remember he can love you both at the same time...that is not uncommon.
No guarantees in the game of love mizfiesta.

[kvalidir]

If things are good between you just go with the flow and see what happens, he's been very linked to her for a long time and that will take some adjustment but he's made the first steps in dating you so give him a chance, if he was THAT fixed on her he wouldn't be seeing you in the first place, and it is a good thing to stay close to the mother of your child (usually) so give him a break and let him evolve towards you x

[Sqad]

Good post Kvali..........;-)

[kvalidir]

Fanks Sqadi :) x

[mizfiesta]

Thanks for all the responses so far. You are all wonderful. I appreciate it x

[vetuste_ennemi]

I've known a number of couples where one or other partner has gone off to live with a lover. Sometimes these arrangements are very short lived as the thrill of the "affair" is replaced to the more humdrum realities of living together, often with extra financial strains such as shared mortgages, and (more importantly) shared kids with the deserted partner.

This means that third parties such as yourself can invest a lot of emotional capital and time for no return.

Having said that, all people and all cases are different. I hope it works out well for you, MizFiesta.

[vetuste_ennemi]

PS: eighteen months is not that short-lived, though, is it? Still, very good luck to you, I hope it works out well.

[Zacs-Master]

This might help.

[albaqwerty]

you've only been dating for one month!
strewth, give the man a chance to grieve for the loss of his marriage of 18 years.
How long have they been apart? She may come to her senses and he'l take her back for a variety of reasons.

[Khandro]

My lover was married when we ran off together, that was in 1963 and we're still hanging in there!