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Please Help Me In English

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fatema | 10:28 Tue 19th Feb 2019 | Jobs & Education
4 Answers
Hello I have wrote this email. please correct me if there is any mistake thanks.

Hello,
Hope you are doing well!
I am abc Marketing Manager at abc.com. abc.com is a premium coupon website, all about fashion, clothing & apparel stores coupon codes and focused on clothing niche. This is why people love to visit our website/blog every time they intend to make clothing shopping online or keep themselves up-to-date.
I recently visited your last blog post, I am startled and vastly inspired, and you have revealed quality websites here like RetailMeNot, The Krazy Coupon Lady and other saving sites.
I also want to spot here that abc.co is one sort of website that is just focusing on one single clothing industry. What’s more is that we are able to tender the quality exclusive deals and coupons to our website that is why I put forward that abc should be in your list
For that reason, we request you to please review abc.com website and deem us to work with you.
We are open for any query and opportunities in the upcoming years and also hope that we can establish long-term cooperation.
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Just make it a bit less wordy- I am not sure 'startled' is the word you want and "deem us to work with you" sounds too formal.
I don't think teh recipients will hang on every word though- They will glance through it and reply to it/file it/delete it as they see fit
Hello,
I hope you are doing well!

I am abc Marketing Manager at abc.com.

abc.com is a premium coupon website, all about fashion, clothing & apparel stores, coupon codes and clothing niches.

People love to visit out website/blog before they go online to do clothes shopping. This is because they can keep themselves up to date with styles and trends.

I recently visited your latest blog post. I am startled and quite inspired. You have revealed quality websites here like RetailMeNot, The Krazy Coupon Lady and other saving sites.

I also want let you know that abc.com is the sort of website that focuses on one single clothing industry. What’s more is that we are able to tender exclusive deals and coupons to our website. That is why I put forward that abc should be in your list.

For that reason, we request that you please review abc.com as we would love to work with you.

We are open for any query's or opportunities in the upcoming years and we also hope that we can establish long-term cooperation.

Thank you.
I agree with fiction. It's too wordy, tone it down and it could be cut to half the length.
Question Author
Thank you, everyone! I always get a quick and good response from here :)

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