Government Contract

[denis567]

Sent to me today by email.

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken wall at 10 Downing Street;
one from London, another from Bristol, and the third from Liverpool.

They go with a government official to examine the wall.

The London contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil.
'Well', he says, 'I figure the job will cost about £900:
£400 for materials, £400 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'

The Bristol contractor also does some measuring and figuring,
and then says, 'I can do this job for £700:
£300 for materials, £300 for my crew and £100 profit for me.'

The Liverpool contractor doesn't measure or figure but leans over to the
Government official and whispers, "£2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys!
How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Liverpool contractor whispers back, '£1000 for me, £1000 for you,
and we hire the guy from Bristol to fix the wall.'

'Done!' replies the government official.

[DTCwordfan]

Old one but so true......

A non-corrupt version is the manager who calls in the plumber for some heavy vibrations in the water piping. "How much?"
"£500"
"What - I do not believe it. You can provide an itemised account for that."
"Yes, £50 for the work and call out, and £450 for knowing where to hit the pipes to stop the vibration."

[cojones]

Now, heard it before but that IS funny. (and oh so true).

[Jemisa]

Oldie but goodie.

jem

[junaid27]

An excellent joke, very wise. In general, the government had to do otherwise, they needed to look for contractors on Linkedin: https://linkedinprofilewritingservice.com/linkedin-profile-examples/ As Weasel subtly notice in Deadpool 2: to build a superhero team, you just need to check out the resumes on Linkedin. For example, if Juggernaut had been hired to repair this wall, it would have cost 5,000, not 2,700.