How Can We Teach Kids About Disappointment?

[Jennifer1989]

Hi guys and girls, I have another question I need advice on :).

Last night we had made plans that we would go swimming then go on a picnic afterwards because they were well behaved last week. However, our car would not start so we had to postpone because nobody could come and check it over until later on. The kids were really upset that they took a massive temper tantrum and kept shouting to us "Our car is useless, keep trying, it might work soon!", we explained that if we did that then we would ruin the engine so that caused more tempers inside the house, which lasted for over half an hour :(.

[zylaphone]

Life is not fair.

[Cloverjo]

I think I would have said “You can shout and scream as much as you like but it won’t get the car going” and then ignored them until they’d calmed down.

[johnny.5]

just explain to the oldest that the car is poorly but when it is better then you will all go as promised also ask them to try and cheer the other two up . As it seems that they are taking responsibility for the situation .
even get them to help fix the car by tidying it after the repair

[Jennifer1989]

A quick update :). The car is in the garage because it would not start even after a jump start or hill start so they suspect its the engine. It is really frustrating because it happens regularly :(, I think its just an old car (it's a Citroën by the way).

Anyway, after dinner we sat the kids down and explained that we don't tolerate temper tantrums, especially from kids aged 5 and 8. We then told them that due to their tantrum, they are grounded for a week. In that week they have to tidy up their rooms, put toys back in their boxes etc and they MUST play nicely with each other with no arguing, fighting or name-calling otherwise the week grounding gets a week added until they learn to control their anger. I got a couple of sad/angry faces pulled but they realise we are serious so I hope it helps.

[johnny.5]

firm but fair

[Jennifer1989]

Yeah, they need to learn that tantrums don't work.

[david small]

Bad or ignorant parenting. Leftist attitudes to raising kids encourages it’s all about me attitude. You reap what you sew. enabled since birth quite a lot of them.

[Jennifer1989]

It's not bad parenting at all :/, I have already said that I don't condone smacking, it's hurtful to the kids. For us, the naughty step is seen as a joke to them so we use loss of priveleges which works very well.

[Mamyalynne]

You asked for advice nicely Jennifer but sadly some people who don't know you will still try to judge you.

Good luck with it all.

[Jennifer1989]

I don't think they intentionally do it though ;). And to be fair, I think the response was an answer in general as to why kids take tantrums not that me personally am a bad parent.

[retrocop]

For us, the naughty step is seen as a joke to them so we use loss of priveleges// which works very well.//

Apparently not.

[Jennifer1989]

What makes you say that retro cop?

[Mamyalynne]

You're very forgiving.

It often makes me smile that statements like earlier "Tantrums didn't exist in my day" get trotted out.

The word and it's meaning has its origins in the early 18th Century.

You'll get there.

[Jennifer1989]

Thanks Mamyalynne :). I believe we will too lol, it's going to take a bit of time but we will get there. Its hard though because the kids dad has nothing to do with them, he left me just as the youngest was born and has not had any contact with the other 2 so I'm on my own :(. There are times where I have just sat in a room upset because they've pushed me so much and I've no support :(.