The C Word Dilemma !

[Rockrose]

OK, we have over the last 10 years invited MIL to join us for Christmas she always says she will think about it but never gives us an answer - when we finally ask her if she is coming so we can book flights, its always 'no I have made alternative plans'
Well this year I have invited my stepmum and stepsibilings and their partners for Christmas and they are all driving over on mass.
So he and I were talking last night over his mother and the fact that she dropped into the conversation that she feels ignored at Christmas. Now given how many times we have invited her over and how I feel about her and how she behaved when my father died - I obviously don't want her here.
But he thinks we should put the invite out there.
My worry is that if we invite her this is the year she would say yes - i can't trust her to behave and not upset my Stepmum.
Opinions please.

[ummmm]

Don't invite her.

The only issue I have with my MIL is she makes me fry ups. I tell her all the time I don't eat them but I still get a mans portion.

[davebro]

I wouldn't invite her - in fact I doubt she really wants to come! I have an open invite for Christmas with my sister & nieces (hopefully they don't regard me as you do your MIL!) but I rarely go. If I do go I'm happy to make my excuses & leave after Xmas lunch!

[lady-janine]

You could always tell her that as she never accepts your invites you're not asking her this year but hope she likes her present which will be arriving in the post..

[AuntPollyGrey]

In that case Rockrose, if your OH is ok about it, don't invite her. She will have so much ammunition about being left all alone while everyone enjoys themselves it will keep her wallowing into the New Year. She'll be over the moon. We have a family get together just before Xmas and my mother basically did the same thing. The last straw was her openly calling my daughter a big fat ----------, and how she'd be so slim and pretty as a child....She's never been invited since.

[ummmm]

Oh, that's bad, Polly.

[Rockrose]

Christmas was a big deal to my father, he loved the build up and the decorating and the walks on Christmas day fuelled by some spirit or another, so I am trying to make it special for my stepmum as this will obviously be very difficult for her.
Thank you for all your responses

[anneasquith]

It’s HIS mother. Take no involvement in preparation of her social life. Don’t interfere.

[Barmaid]

I reckon pixie has nailed it. Lay it on thick. Say how you want a big family traditional Christmas and it won't be the same without her. I'll bet the contrary old so and so will stay away out of spite.

If she does come make sure you have plenty of gin so you won't care anyway.

[choux]

Dear Rockrose, after the year you have had I really believe you deserve the Christmas you want. Your hubby seems to have been so supportive throughout I trust he will understand your need for a MILless festive season. With those you have invited you will be able to enjoy the Christmas your dad would have loved. Go for it xx

[Deskdiary]

I may be being a bit brutal, which I put down to the fact my parents divorced when I was very young, so me and my siblings became very independent very quickly, but if I don't want somebody around my dinner table they don't get invited, and I couldn't give a tinker's cuss whether this upsets them or not - I don't even give it a second's thought.

If I knew somebody was going to be a bit of a terrorist, there's absolutely no way they'd get an invite.....especially at Xmas. Nobody wants to be walking on eggshells all day.

[douglas9401]

Further to Barmaid's suggestion at 11:11, this popped up on my Facebook feed and thought it might interest you. :-)

https://www.dunnetbaydistillers.co.uk/rock-rose-gin/

[Rockrose]

Douglas my fav gin I have 3 bottles of it

[Rockrose]

Well MIL we don’t have to worry about asking her she told us last night not to bother asking her for Christmas as she doesn’t like my attitude!
Problem solved

[10ClarionSt]

Is this part of the script for Eastenders or Eastenderdale?

[waterboatman]

I think pixie has the right idea!

[woofgang]

Wow Rockrose, it looks like the universe sent you an early christmas gift!

[wolf63]

Does she get on with her other daughter in law?

At least you know that you may have a relaxing time at Christmas.

Families are hard work. I love my brother, but that's because of the distance between us geographically.

:-)

[Rockrose]

Clarion - perhaps you need to troll elsewhwere!!
Wolf, nope she hates her other DIL calls her a golddigger and a wh**e!