Partners Son Is Sponging Off My Son

[chrissa1]

My son who is in the middle of a divorce from his wife for the last two years has a found a lovely lady who is living with him and my two granddaughters. Everything is fine apart from the presence of her 18 year old son.

He is an absolute no-hoper. Has never had a job and spends his whole time either in bed, sleeping until 2pm or raiding the fridge and my son’s wardrobe, nicking his underwear and jackets.

Any food my son and his partner buys disappears overnight and he is taking drugs and his clothes stink of, grass.

My son has written him a cv and tried to get him a job in his local town, taken him down to an army interview, all to no avail. The lad is basically living off my son and his mother and not contributing to the household bills, at all. He has no intention of finding a job.

My son has had enough and left me tonight, dreading going home with his daughters because he knew that his evening was going to be Hell.

What do you think he should do?

[sherrardk]

Your son needs to sit down with his new lady and tell her she needs to get him sorted out (get the boy’s dad involved if he is around). He’s not your son’s responsibility and at 18 I very much doubt he’d welcome a new ‘daddy’.

[ummmm]

Put his foot down and start with the mother.

My sons have jobs and they wouldn't dare raid my fridge (although I do have free food, which is food permission is not needed for)

My OH will give my kids anything simply because they work hard, don't take it for granted and always pay any money back they borrow.

Can't help on the pants and socks front though. I think that's a universal thing.

[chrissa1]

My son has said to him that if he needs to borrow something then all he has to do is ask. Nine times out of ten my son would say yes. He doesn’t do that though.

Would you kick your son out of the home?. My son has had enough. He is not my sons son and his daughters are his main priority.

[ummmm]

Is it your sons house?

[chrissa1]

His partner kicked her older son out of her house and that nearly ended tragically.

[anneasquith]

I wonder if the boy is acting like some other lazy-boys all over the country. I think the problem is the relationship between your son and his partner.

[ummmm]

Your sons frustration will just get worse and resentment will really start to build.

[chrissa1]

It is my son’s house.

[chrissa1]

Yes ummmm. They would have a happy relationship if the son wasn’t taking a lend.

[albaqwerty]

How old are his daughters? They have got to be his priority, I think he should tell his lady friend her and her boy should move out.
Either that or put locks on kitchen door/fridge and his bedroom which will not make for pleasant living for his daughters.

[ummmm]

What does the 18 year old do for money?

[woofgang]

I think he needs to talk to the lady in question about this....and face the fact that she may choose her son over him.

[Old_Geezer]

He should speak to his lovely lady regarding his concerns. She will probably want to defend her son, but must see that he needs encouragement to make something of his life. That's mainly her job with the support of those around her. It's a case of bringing it up tactfully and bring sympathetic to her view. But ultimately it's her son and if there's no attempt to help him attain a better attitude then your son has to decide whether it's a make or break thing in the relationship. He can't override the mother's decision. He can decide it's over; if it comes to that.