What Would You Do

[jennyjoan]

As I have said friend is in a care home and needs some urgent things like new sandals which are very expensive but the ones she had on yesterday when I visited have got too small and the velcro no longer sticks because of her swelled feet. Also slippers and much needed underwear. I would buy some of the items but am not prepared to buy the expensive sandals.

Her son has a lot of money belonging to her but he doesn't visit much and definitely wouldn't see that she needs these.

Would you say to him.

[ummmm]

Yes.

How do you know about her financial situation?

[pixie374]

Ask the home first... they should have some money in an account for her already. If not, it is up to them to sort it. Just let them know xx

[Mamyalynne]

If I knew him to speak to I may well mention it, tell him you are worrier she'll trip or fall in the ill fitting footwear.

[jennyjoan]

that's right Mamy - was worried yesterday as she opened the door of her room with the things flapping all over the place. You know it is so difficult to say with words on here what problems there are - it is so complex as the son has issues too. I will test the waters with her this week and see what I can do.

[NellieMay]

Agree with Pixie. The care home are responsible for her care and should have noticed these things. Speak to them of your concerns, not her son.

[ummmm]

The care home will be getting paid for her care. My grandparents paid for their care but they were still entitled to some benefits which went straight to the home and was deducted from what they paid.

[pixie374]

For personal items, everyone should still have an account.
If she has "given" her son money, it is up to him what he uses it for. But if he has Power of Attorney of her money, it is for her and the home will have records.
Let the care home sort it out, and don't put yourself in any awkward situations, you don't need to xx

[derek-33]

primark has a good range of inexpensive footwear ,why bother with paying a lot when there just for inside

[naomi24]

I would buy what she needs and tell the son I'd done it.

[woofgang]

First I would speak to the care home although they may not be able say much to you about the financial situation....they I would say something to the son like "I was in seeing your Mum the other day and noticed she could do with some new sandals, also insert list of whatever else she needs. They cost XXX from shop name. I know how busy you must be and would be happy to get them if you can let me or the care home have the money."

[roopower]

If the lady has very swollen feet, as I do, I'm afraid you cant just buy shoes/slippers in shops. They are expensive but worth the money for comfort. I agree with other posters, I think you should have a word with staff at the home. They'll know the financial arrangements. Point out that the lady is at risk of falling, that might gee them up!

[naomi24]

I wouldn't mess about. If she's in need, she's in need. I would just buy what she wants, tell the son I'd done it and consider it a bonus if I recovered the money from him. Her needs have to be the priority.

[anneasquith]

It’s nice to see that as a friend you are concerned about her. First stop the care home staff jj.

[NellieMay]

^ Agree. The care home is at fault. Bring it to their attention straight away. If her feet are swollen she will need special slippers/sandals and perhaps better medical attention for her feet. It's good you are keeping an eye on things. If the care home do not sort it straight away, notify her son.

[AuntPollyGrey]

Mention to the care home you and your friend have made a shopping list of things she needs and you will be speaking to her son about it. They may then ask for the list and get the things themselves, charging the son. If they don't then take it up with the Son. As for her feet -mention it to the care home and ask if she is seeing a medical professional and if not could they make an appointment. Her son will be paying a fortune for that home and there is no need for you to buy your friend what should be essential clothing and shoes. I'd like to add she is very lucky to have a friend such as you.