help with my rude and obnoxious 13yr old

[SJP]

my 13yr old son has been really hard to control for the last month,he doesn't listen to anything we say.He has a 15yr old girlfriend who he's been seeing for 5months,at first i liked her but then he ran away from home for nearly 2wks and went to live with her and her parents.We didn't know where she lived so we contacted the police to bring him home,he lied to them and told them that his dad hits him so they agreed to let him stay.Then when i contacted social services they dragged their feet too,basically telling me that if i wanted my son back i would have to contact a lawyer..ridiculous.Eventually he was brought home by social services,but 2wks on he ran away again and went back to the same place.Only this time she didn't let him stay so instead he wandered the streets all night.What am i supposed to do to stop him from putting himself in such dangerous situations.He has never come across danger so doesn't realise it's out there.

[naz_nomad]

Army cadets ...then Army ...

[noxlumos]

Army cadets then army? To avoid putting him in dangerous situations? Bl**dy hell naz, that's a cracker, yeah just send him out as cannon fodder that'll sort the young whipper snapper out!

Seriously, before he listens to anything you say, you need to do some very serious listening to him and find out exactly what his problems are. Treat him with maturity and respect, take on board what he says to you and try to reach compromises about it. If he's unaware of danger then he needs it undramatically pointing out to him, as at 13 he's going to start to want to go out and take more responsibility for himself in preparation for adulthood. Keep things calm and communicative and see how it goes. If it's still making no difference after a couple of weeks you need to reconsider your options, but generally it's true of most difficult teens that if you treat them with maturity and respect then they treat you the same and will understand why you'd prefer them to behave in certain ways.Good luck.

[dimond22]

i went through a stage like that certain past history had lead me to feel angry, hurt and misunderstood. my mum came after me a few times and shared her own feelings of hurt from the situation. talking on a level of love and understanding she worked with me to talk things through, what the problem was, why it was there and how we could work through it together. a 13 year old at a transition stage in their life won't make it easy but keep chucking love their way and theirs a sence of security from that which isn't always welcomed but is deffernately needed. she later applied for family counciling we went from strengh to strength as we grew in understanding of each other. however i still learned the hard way on some things and sometimes we just have to realise for ourselves. i hope things work out.

[obione]

sometimes mediation is a good avenue because a third party can give an unbiased opinion and also help to keep things from getting heated.

maybe he needs someone to talk to, i appreciate you probably feel you do everything for the best but at his age this can appear over bearing and like you dont listen to his needs.

i wish you the very best i know it can be very difficult knowing what to do for the best in this situation.

[SJP]

naz-nomad,thats ok saying send him to army cadets but how do i get him their in the first place when he won't even go to Tae-kwon=do which he has won trophies for and he used to love...