A Few Vintage Ones

retrocop | 17:24 Mon 20th Apr 2020 | Jokes

4 Answers

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.
The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"
Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your plane!"

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Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm
mad!"
He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB!
I'M A LIGHTBULB!"
Murphy watches in amazement!
The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
"I can't work in the friggin' dark!" says Murphy.

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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want
don't you ?"
"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!"

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Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not
servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a
death trap!

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Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whos head was found on Arbroath
beach was asked to identify her. A detective held up the head to which
point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

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Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking
like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.
He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you
do ?"
Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like
it!"

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
"Goodness!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"

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Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"
Paddy says "What's his name ?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London!"