Closure.

[gness]

Firstly...thank you for the condolences....I'm fine but you are very thoughtful.

Anyway....back to closure. I've always been a bit scathing about the word but maybe I'm changing my mind.
Our UK house sale last month was able to go through because everyone in the short chain was able to sell/purchase and move and abide by the new rules at the same time. We were so lucky in having great friends and relatives who emptied the still partly furnished house and are storing our personal belongings.
It still feels so strange though. Dave and I should have done those things....cleared and cleaned and handed over keys and said goodbye to the house and neighbours. We still feel that the house is ours.

It's the same with the death of my Mum. As we were dealing with the house a phone call from the home told us she had pneumonia and was very ill. A week later a call to say she was having end of life care and was expected to die in hours. Those hours turned into four days. My brother was able to say goodbye which was so good for him and we managed to get her parish priest to visit to give the final prayers.
My brother's great as is the funeral director who happens to be a good friend but I'm the big sister and I am doing little or nothing.
So....no goodbye...no hand holding....not there for the burial.

I'm realising that these little rituals are what helps to bring the word I have often dismissed..... closure.

[gness]

Thank you, Jno.......x

[wolf63]

I'm glad that the priest visited her - I recollect that she had problems with the church.

I hope that you and that Dave guy are doing well. x

[gness]

She didn't have the problem, Wolf....I did. Her parish priest refused, after her seventy years of worship and so much support, to visit her because she was in a home not in his area by about a mile if that.

Contacting his bishop and the pope changed his mind.... :-)
He was the one who gave her the final prayers which is what she would have wanted and deserved. He couldn't do the Last Rites because he thought she wasn't near enough to death. Not sure how he knew because she was puzzling the staff and doctor.....but he did something at least.

The guy and I are fine all things considering, Wolf. As long as he doesn't shave his head as he's threatening to do.... ;-)

[ferlew]

Tell you what Gness, in the past few weeks, I have said over and over to the boys....I am so glad your Dad isn't here through all this, he just would not have understood why he couldn't pop for his pint, or why we couldn't go for a drive, or even nip to the shop for something he fancied, or something we had forgotten, I suppose there's a tiny bit of good in everything eh? xx

[jno]

you contacted the pope, gness? I bet his ears are still buzzing.

[pixie374]

Hi gness, I know what you mean, for different reasons, my sister and I weren't able to go to my dad's funeral in France, they organise everything so fast there.
So, my sister and I went to a restaurant at the time and had a meal and drink and then played some of the Shadows, etc. My stepmum has sent me some ashes and old photos.
You won't (I assume) be able to go to a restaurant, and (clearly lol) shouldn't cook, but mark it in your own way however you can xx

[gness]

We were saying the same about our Mum, Ferlew. Even before the dementia we’d have struggled to get her to understand. She always just did whatever she wanted to do.
Indeed, Jno. Did the pope reply. Nope. But the bishop did and suddenly there was a way around there rules.
The Corby parish priest had told me that the priest from Kettering was visiting mum weekly. That was a lie. The home had never set eyes on him. I’d like to think the parish priest was doing the right and good thing. Truth? I think he just wanted to shut me up. We were looking through all the old emails last week. I can be a bit wearing........ :-)

[jno]

especially if you're writing emails in Latin...

[gness]

No restaurant, Pixie but we may be able to have a bit of a gathering in our field with friends she had here and family to raise a glass.....or two. X

[hellywelly4]

Sending condolences gness and a virtual hug. xxx

[gness]

Or Spanish.......never thought of writing to him in Latin though......I didn’t realise how much Latin I remembered until I was watching The Exorcist..... x

[pixie374]

Sounds good x

[gness]

That’s kind, Helly......thank you..x

[seekeerz]

Dear gness, I'm so sorry for your loss ....we lost Mr Seeks in mid March, just before all the restrictions came in ...the whole thing still seems a bit unreal ....his brother wanted to fly in but of course that couldn't happen ...and I really appreciated the hugs i received from a couple of close friends at the funeral, one of the last held here before everything was pared back to one or two attending ....it's missing parts of the ritual that allows us to really draw a line underneath that make you think it's not complete ....sorry that doesn't read sensibly .....stay strong, and sending you hugs skz xxx

[gness]

Seek...I am so sorry for your loss and at such a difficult time.

What you said reads very sensibly and being in a similar situation I know exactly what you mean.
I think in what were normal times we were barely aware of the small rituals that helped with grieving and eventually moving on. Now that they've been taken away we realise how important they are.

Take care, Seek and hugs to you too.....Love Gx

[pastafreak]

So very sorry for your loss Gness...and equally sorry that you can't do those things that we all take for granted will be ours to do.
I think rituals can seem small when we accept or assume they will happen. When they can't take place, they become so much more important to us. Know that you have done all you can...for now. Have a proper send off...if desired...when time and circumstances allow. Take care x

[gness]

That’s just how it is, Pasta....... thank you. I trust your family in the USA are all safe and well.....x

[sunny-dave]

Seekeerz - I've only just read this thread and want to add my condolences - it must have been such a difficult time for you over the last few weeks.

Dave xx