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Give Me Suggestions For This Sonnet And What Can I Do Better?
8 Answers
True Nature
Your beautiful color, could it be illegal?
Besides tell me how much you love your delightful,
Your glory and spirits embrace and thrill
Beloved besides the dark shadows that were traced.
Hate has made a dark place in your heart.
Misplacing your true self and lose your soul your and origins.
Honoring your memory and disgrace of swells of losing lives.
Meanwhile, your existence started to matter even more.
Light is fading in your eyes throughout your suffering, of
The unjust tyranny that implemented to take control over you.
Liberty was taken like clear water passing through the river.
losing all his rights that he not allowed to prevail.
Our voice was muted but today is heard, we are changing the history of our people in the name of the one's that are resting.
(Is about *Black Americans* any suggestions?)
Your beautiful color, could it be illegal?
Besides tell me how much you love your delightful,
Your glory and spirits embrace and thrill
Beloved besides the dark shadows that were traced.
Hate has made a dark place in your heart.
Misplacing your true self and lose your soul your and origins.
Honoring your memory and disgrace of swells of losing lives.
Meanwhile, your existence started to matter even more.
Light is fading in your eyes throughout your suffering, of
The unjust tyranny that implemented to take control over you.
Liberty was taken like clear water passing through the river.
losing all his rights that he not allowed to prevail.
Our voice was muted but today is heard, we are changing the history of our people in the name of the one's that are resting.
(Is about *Black Americans* any suggestions?)
Answers
Dreyes, is English your first language? I can understand some of the emotions and thoughts you are seeking to express, but your grammar does not do them justice. Line 1. Good. Line 2. I don't understand that you could love delightful. You could love delight, or delightful skin (or soul, or identity). Lines 3 and 4. Can't fault them directly but I find them not...
19:17 Wed 10th Jun 2020
Dreyes, is English your first language? I can understand some of the emotions and thoughts you are seeking to express, but your grammar does not do them justice.
Line 1. Good.
Line 2. I don't understand that you could love delightful. You could love delight, or delightful skin (or soul, or identity).
Lines 3 and 4. Can't fault them directly but I find them not readily understandable.
I won't go through the whole sonnet line by line. I am pleased that you are writing poetry and using language, but I think you could do better. If you have another first language, then perhaps you should use it. If you prefer to use English, then keep up your work. If you want feedback I will be happy to give it to you. You use some good words and images. Best wishes.
Line 1. Good.
Line 2. I don't understand that you could love delightful. You could love delight, or delightful skin (or soul, or identity).
Lines 3 and 4. Can't fault them directly but I find them not readily understandable.
I won't go through the whole sonnet line by line. I am pleased that you are writing poetry and using language, but I think you could do better. If you have another first language, then perhaps you should use it. If you prefer to use English, then keep up your work. If you want feedback I will be happy to give it to you. You use some good words and images. Best wishes.
That isn't strictly in a sonnet form. https:/ /litera rydevic es.net/ sonnet/
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