A Quandary

[MartinMillar]

Some friends were due to get married this , the whole big white jobbie. Obviously due to Covid it was cancelled, so we have received notification that it’s going ahead next year same venue etc , not a problem we understand that.
However, we have now been told that they did actually get married but with just the vicar and witness, but they are still going ahead with the wedding ceremony next year and reception.
Now here’s the quandary, I do not see the point in going, I would happily have stumped up the grand to see them tie the knot but just feel that this is not a wedding and really feel that I no longer want to go but I also don’t want to offend them.
Your thoughts please

[anneasquith]

Wait a minute , A Trail Finders Account ?

[sanmac]

Just buy them each an inexpensive suitcase instead.

[andres]

Party by all means but to have a second Church ceremony is just farcical. Would they be having the same vicar again to conduct the ceremony? Would he be happy marrying an already married couple? Don't lie about why you don't want to go. Tell them the truth .

[AuntPollyGrey]

Just send a Thankyou letter saying unfortunately you can't make the celebration on those dates. No need for any explanation, but do it sooner rather than later so they can cancel your meals at the venue.

[pixie374]

It is a lot of money, for what basically amounts to a party. I think I would send them a wedding gift and congratulations now, if I decided not to go and leave it at that.

[bednobs]

it seems to be the modern way of doing things (she said soundling like a maiden aunt) - most people live togather first now so a gift list is superfluous, so people ask their friends to contribute to their honeymoon instead

[ichkeria]

My view is that expecting someone to pay £1000 for a wedding never mind a party is pretty outrageous.
So it depends how wealthy you are feeling and how much you live your friends.
I wouldn't do it, but then I couldn't afford it.

[ichkeria]

"love your friends" :-)

[sanmac]

https://www.trailfinders.com/
It appears that the couple want people to place money into their account in the above.

[pixie374]

I would probably also suggest a meal out with them or something, once they're back, to celebrate with them.

[allenlondon]

Dreadful waste of money in a world full of suffering, much of which could be alleviated by having large lumps of money given to it.

51 years ago Mrs A and me spent 7/6d (37.5p to you younger ones) and here we are, still firmly together. Our two guests spent about the same on a couple of pints in the Squirrels.

Give (half) the money to charity, send them a nice note saying what you've done and why, and stay in your garden.

A

[AuntPollyGrey]

^^^^ Prime example of virtue signalling.

The happy couple do not expect the OP to pay out £1000 to go to the wedding - this is how much the OP says it would cost for travel and sundry costs. Why then should they give £500 to charity? What has charity got to do with anything? To me if someone did that I would be offended that they would rather give £500 to charity than come to my wedding.
If the OP does not want to go then just don't go ,no need for heroics.

[allenlondon]

“ Prime example of virtue signalling. ”

And a prime example of ‘fashionable’ cliche-ridden insults.

Think about what I wrote, you silly person, and give your brain a dust-off.

[jno]

they'll be calling you a "snowflake" next, Allen. Oh, and "woke".

[AuntPollyGrey]

// Think about what I wrote, you silly person, and give your brain a dust-off.//

I don't have to think about what you wrote, why should I ? I don't agree at all with it. How giving £500 to some third world charity ( most which are riddled with deception) instead of going to a wedding is brainless.

oh and while we're on the subject -at least I've got a brain to dust off lol!
Whatever name you take Mr. Bainbrig you still make a concerted effort at every opportunity to show the misogynistic side of your personality.

[237SJ]

I wouldn`t pay a grand to go to someone's (faux) wedding. I`d rather spend the money on a holiday for myself.

[Mozz71]

//Whatever name you take Mr. Bainbrig you still make a concerted effort at every opportunity to show the misogynistic side of your personality.//

Mysogynistic? I've never really seen Allen as a mysogynist before Polly. How did you reach that conclusion?

[AuntPollyGrey]

Mozz he does not like women making negative comments about his opinions -I refer to when he went by his other name. He is sometimes highly offensive towards women.

[Peter Pedant]

// I would happily have stumped up the grand to see them tie the knot //

dont go and send them the grand
both sides MOST satisfied

[Mozz71]

//he does not like women making negative comments about his opinions -I refer to when he went by his other name. He is sometimes highly offensive towards women//

I'll be honest, I've not noticed that from "Allen" (And I'm meant to be some woke lefty if some are to be believed), and have no idea about his other identity, so I'll have to take your word for it .