Is This Harassment By My Middle Aged Female Boss Within 9 Weeks At A New Job

[chevellecougar]

So far she has had her hand on the middle of my back rubbing me straight up and down my back while talking to me the first week.

She has put both her hands around my neck for making a data entry mistake and patted me on the back while walking by me while at my computer.

She has came up beside me and bumped her hand on my thigh to talk to me and asked if i was going to whip her one day when my belt broke when putting boxes on a skid.

The last thing she has done is to ask me to dance with her in the warehouse one day.
I'm damn scared I'm going to lose this job because, I really like it.

[JimF]

Interesting first question. I suggest you should play along and see how far your boss's obvious physical attraction you can use to your advantage. Is she married?

[Mozz71]

Hate to say it, but I'm with Jim here. There's a fast track to promotion here it you play your cards right. (More to the point, you're probably still under probation, so you're real easy to get shot of it you act up)

[jim360]

I'm not sure I agree with the two answers above -- the cynic in me sees the point they are making, but it is still harassment if it's unwelcome; the fact that you are asking about harassment, rather than asking where else she'd like to dance, speaks to the fact that it's unwelcome.

But the response also depends on what the laws are surrounding workplace behaviour where you live. In the UK, at least, the law would be rather on your side, although the "cougar" in the name makes me think you're based in the US, so I'm not sure what the situation is there.

In the meantime, I'd at the very least make a point of noting down all the behaviour that's prompted this question, especially from now on; if the worst comes to it then you'd presumably need the evidence to support any claims you make about her behaviour (to HR if to nobody else). If that route isn't open then you'll need to decide whether you like the job enough to be prepared to face more of the same, or whether you can find a way to tactfully suggest she stop.

[chevellecougar]

No, She's not married now, she was for 19 years and I'm single also but, she's not afraid of a darn thing, I hate to say it but, she's kind of intimidating.
Well, She's got a temper too but, I haven't been on that bad side of her at this point yet, I'm walking on egg shells with the attention she's giving me and it's confusing.

[chevellecougar]

Relationship with a boss won't turn out good usually i've heard, this has never happened to me before with a female boss.

[1ozzy]

Harassment?

Depends, is she is good looking, rich and generous?

If not, definitely harassment!

[MallyJ]

This is totally innappropriate behaviour on the part of your boss...as you know. It is never a good idea to play along with it in the hope of promotion or the like. I wonder if the responders here would be telling you to use this situation to your advantage if the genders were reversed and a divorced man was touching their daughter inappropriately at work. It needs to be nipped in the bud now as the longer you allow this to happen the more difficult it will be to stop it in the future. I suugest talking loudly about the girlfriend you hope to marry...maybe getting a female friend to visit you in the lunch break or pick you up after work. Show your boss a picture of said imaginary future wife..etc etc ...or simply tell her to stop. I would be keeping a record of every incident to...just to have something to refer to in the future...do you belong to a union?

[eve1974]

For me.... I’d shrug it off. Some people are very tactile and don’t understand boundaries. She may not fancy you the way you think!! Granted you find it unwelcome but rather than read anything Into it Id simply try make a concerted effort to physically distance myself a few extra inches or when it does happen simply move away (eg if she rubbed your back when sitting ... get up With an excuse like needing to retrieve something from other side of desk / use the photocopier etc etc.

There are rules in place for harassment for good reason however nowadays I think people jump to conclusions way to easily ,... when they can probably Extra care themselves from the situation Simply and gracefully

[eve1974]

Typo last sentence. Meant to be extricate

[aelmpvw]

any vacancies at your firm?

[david small]

Enjoy the attention while it lasts. Your just a temporary amusement. Such is life.

[bobbinwales]

No body as mentioned social distance. She should'nt be touching you due to Corona but touching peopel is a nono at all times for a manager to eorker

[pixie374]

There seem to be a few "fantasy" answers here. I wonder if they would all "play along", if their male boss kept touching and rubbing them, in the hope of a promotion...
I agree with writing it down, also just politely remove her hand and say "please stop". If she continues, it's definitely harassment... and you can report it. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable, especially at work where you may not be in an easy position to do or say something.

[pastafreak]

I agree with the sensible answers here. One question...are you her only target, or does she get tactile with anyone else? Is there anyone you could talk to in a casual way about her to see if she has a history of such behaviour?

[Old_Geezer]

It's inappropriate, but I'd say more sending signals of interest rather than harassment. It's not like anything major has occurred, so far; it's just been flirting. Probably best not to overreact. If you aren't interested just show it subtly and hope she catches on. Otherwise keep going until the probation period is done and you can apply for internal transfers. Of course reappraise the situation should it change.

[Khandro]

Tell her you're q...r

[chevellecougar]

She's been a Supervisor for 20 years, so I'm sure she should be very aware of the boundaries at work, especially with covid.

I think walking away from the job may be best, she does have mean temper sometimes.
Thank You all for the advice.