Talking To Deceased Relatives

[nailit]

Think you all know the story about my mums terminal cancer so no need to give the back story.
However, had a call from my sister this morning to say that she had been up all night listening to my mum having conversations with her brother. He died last year.
Rang her this evening after work and she said that she's still the same. Doesnt know who my sister is now but carries on talking to her brother.
Only saw her a couple of days ago, and whilst in pain and a bit grumpy and sleepy, seemed quiet lucid....spent some time watching tv, talking about the news etc.

You hear stories like this....people close to death and talking to past relatives...but its freaking me out a bit.

Anyone else had similar experiences?

[pixie374]

I don't think it was hallucinations, patsy. It's a normal part of the dying process x

[eve1974]

I’m sorry that you’re going thru this pain nailit. I hope that you’re mum “being with”her brother at these end times is a comfort to her ... and a bit of comfort to you too.

[Barsel]

nailit can I just say how I think it must be really really difficult for you knowing for the past 2 years that your mum is coming to the end of her life and I think you are very brave the way you have been dealing with it .I spent a few days in hospital over Christmas and there was a very poorly lady in the bed opposite. During the day she was fairly quiet, but once lights went out she would start having these really long conversations with someone. One night, I went over to ask her if she needed to be on the phone for so long during the night as it was keeping the rest of us awake, and was shocked to find she wasn't on the phone. I have seen people who talk to themselves and you can't really tell what they are saying, but these were proper conversations she was having, so perhaps it is something that happens.

[Patsy33]

It seems to be so, Pixie.

[MallyJ]

My mum was comatose whilst I sat next to her bed waiting for the end to come (horrid thing to do Nailit...you have my deepest sympathy) and she sat up, looked at the door and said 'mum, dad, what are you doing here? There was, of course, no one there that I could see but she could see them and I did feel that in her mind they had come for her. What a gentle way to die - believing your parents had come to fetch you . Actually cheered me up at the time ... though writing this has made my eyes water...damn!

[Barsel]

Awww Mally, I would have felt some comfort if my mum had done that

[pixie374]

Lovely, mally x

[Patsy33]

Me and sister were with our lovely Mum in her final hours. There was nothing from her, regards see her deceased loved ones. She just drifted away. In a way, I wish that would have happened, it would have been comforting...

[pixie374]

That sounds good enough, patsy x people often concentrate too much on final hours or minutes... but that affects them, not their loved ones.

[Patsy33]

She went peacefully enough, that's the main thing, Pixie.x

[pixie374]

Yes x

[Barsel]

I got a call to say come to the care home as mum wasn't well and the doctor said she needs to be in hospital but I said no, 'cos I'd promised my mum she wouldn't die in a hospital. Doctor got annoyed with me, said if it was his mum.......but I still said no. Sat holding Mums hand and talking to her while my brother was making his way there. Brother arrived and was talking to mum and then she just passed. Doctor was still on site and couldn't believe she had gone so soon, she would probably have been in an ambulance if I had said yes. He said I had made the right choice and my mum died exactly as she had wanted too. I am so pleased that she wasn't unwell for a long time, must be awful.

[pixie374]

Barsel... I'm so pleased you stood up for what she wanted. Many people don't want to die in a hospital, but still not an easy decision to make at the time. Good for you xx

[MallyJ]

Barsel...she waited for those she loved best in the world and when you were all together she felt comfortable to leave you...she just wanted to check you were both ok.

[rowanwitch]

Loads, she might be hallucinating from the pain killers, or be gradually getting short of oxygen to her brain, either way if she isn't distressed and can't be distracted from it let her carry on. I think sometimes the brain of dying people recreates comforting images from the past, maybe to stop the fear of what will come.

[Barsel]

Pixie and Mally thanks for your kind words. I told Mum that my brother was on his way, and it's as if she just held on until he got there and spoke to her, then with both her children there close to her, her passing was just how she wanted it to be.