marriage proposal

[yummingbird]

I have been with my b/f for over 4 years and he makes no moves towards getting married or having children (we are both over 26). I wonder if he is holding ouot for something better? Recently I have been thinking about proposing to him!!! What do you think....????

[dot.hawkes]

maybe it hasn't occurred to him. Men are not instinctively monogamous or clever

[Suzyboo]

Has he ever expressed any views on the subject of marriage? Does he know it's what you want?

[tictactoe]

It's a leap year 2008, but probably too long to wait...

At the worse case senario, he can only say no !!

[B00]

Took Mr Boo 7 years to ask me to marry him! So I wouldn't worry too much about him not asking you, it more than likely just hasn't occurred to him to ask you.

If it's worrying you that much though, and you really do want to trot down that aisle in a floaty dress sooner than later, by all means ask him to marry you.

[yummingbird]

A REALLY messy divorce between his parents may have put him off. He knows I want children, and that I would like to get married. We broke up briefly before Christmas, and as I was walking out the door, he said 'I thought we were gonna get married and have children...' but he hasn't mentioned it since we got back together and I just wonder if he only said it cos he was under pressure then. Also, how do you know if someone is the ONE????

[lastchance]

i think if you don't know if he even wants kids and marriage one day, after 4 years together and you are worried to ask, there might well be a problem, but if it is a case of you just waiting for him to ask, well don't worry ...ask him!

[Suzyboo]

If you have doubts that he is 'the one' perhaps you shouldn't be thinking about marriage anyway. Have the problems that caused the break up been resolved since you got back together? Or was it about this issue really?

[yummingbird]

I'm not sure that I'm the sort of person who would ever know the ONE, as I am extremely indecisive! And I may suffer from depression from time to time, although I have never had a professional diagnosis (it would affect my career to do so).
We are extremely companionable and get on very well as friends. We are not really passionate, but I have seen passionate relationships fizzle and die. We laugh together and rarely argue. Our main differences are to do with sociability, he likes to go out and meet up with friends, wheras I prefer quieter gatherings.
The reason we broke up before Christmas was to do with trust and security. In a previous relationship I went out with a serial cheat, so I tend to assume the worst, he had been meeting up with a girl and found out about it and he said he hadn't told me cos I would over react but there was nothing in it etc etc, vicious circle really.

Sorry to sound so serious, it is just that I have practically got Proposal Tourettes at the mo, where every time I open my mouth I nearly propose!!!!!

[Minxie]

Is he an insecure person? I mean, does he like it if you are giving him all the attention, and then if you dont (like you walking out at Christmas) does he then want a commitment from you? to prove you love him?

[yummingbird]

He doesn't seem in the least insecure. But maybe because I took on that role so early in the relationship! He knows that I am committed to him. He does talk about other things like property and where we can both move to in terms of jobs etc, but just not marriage. I want to start thinking about having children, that it why it is on my mind so much.

[Minxie]

Some men take the fact that they know their partner is committed for granted. Being nice here. But I would say, dont mention the wedding or baby plans. Just be yourself. You sound a lovely person. And let him start thinking about marriage and future plans together. Good luck xx

[WendyS]

No reason why you can't propose to him but think through the consequences first in case he says No or continues to procrastinate.

If he does , are you going to have the courage to call it a day and end the relationship or are you going to just keep on hanging around, wasting more of your life, in the hope that he will change his mind.

After four years he should know you well enough by now to know whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with you and you are obviously wanting to settle down. I suspect the excuse about his parents divorce is just a delaying tactic. He is not a mirror image of his parents and he has control over his own life and behaviour in a relationship. So, think through your options first, and if this relationship isn't going to go where you want it to, have the courage to move on if you don't want to waste your life hoping for the impossible.

[The Sherman]

right maybe you can fill me in here because maybe im just blissfully ignorant but im not religeous in the slightest so i just do not see the point in marriage, what is the big deal with that bit of paper? the kids i can understand if someone wants kids and the other person doesnt then yeah that could be messy but the actual marriage???

please someone help me!