fresh start cont...

[yellowocean]

I got some goo advice from my last question thankyou. I also need to mention i seem to be depressed and not coping to well. I have always wanted to do nursing and am trying to persue this avenue now. Dont know where to start tho. I have been abroad several time as a volunteer and liked it but would ove to be able to join an aid organiation as a nurse. I cant afford to keep doing these things as an unpaid volunteer and thats the problem. I also did not do a levels so doubt il be taken in at uni will i? To quickly out my question in perspective i am fighting the desire daily to end my life as i cant cope now with any more sadness as the last few years have finally taken a toll. I am trying to be up beat and persue this but its not coming fast enough and my lack of mental clarity is clouding my abilities to kick its ass and 'go for it' I am stuck. We all have problems and i appreciate this but i dont normallly suffer with any nerves or depression but i have has about 5 big blows in a short tim and all of a sudden im not the same person. The only thing that stops me crrying out any detremental action to myself is upsetting my parents and the charity work i do may suffer. I have found myself falling out with these people in an attempt to fix this and i am worried. I want to come out of this and de well as i think i can but when i try to get some where any obsticle seems to throw me. My question is does or has anyone ever felf so convinced that ending their life would be a peacful outcome. I spend my time thiking of others and i know im not selfish so i am stuck. The other problem is im a good actress and dont bother others so all my mates think im a good laugh and no worries. Thanks in advance.

[spurslady]

Hi, I know I'm not qualified to give advise but have you thought about seeking some sort of counselling?
You have taken a huge step in confiding with us all here how you feel, and someone who is trained would probably be better for you to talk to one on one. they can maybe help take that next step in the right direction of where you want to go in life.

I understand how you feel when you think what is the point in going on, I have felt like it myself plenty of times, I too seem to have been dealt blow after blow from my violent father who was a b***** to my mother and my brothers sister and I, I have lost four babies to of whom were twins and then my mother has been battling cancer for over 3 years now and is facing the prospect that it may have returned for a 3rd time.

Please though if you ever feel that it is getting all too much don't do anything to yourself, make a visit to your GP and explain to him what you have told us they are there to help.

plus you can always post a message on here as you have been doing there will always someone here to cheer you up.

Just think about how your family would miss you and how some of those people you have helped in your charity work are maybe in an even worse position in life.

I hope I have made sense and good luck with what ever you choose to do. I wish you all the best.

[mccfluff]

Hi, you are making postive changes but i don't think you should be 'an actress' in front of your friends, speak to them and tell them how your feeling. I agree with spurslady some proff counselling would prob be a good idea as well, good luck <big hug> xx

[sandyg2244]

Just to add to your post,
there are many ways to get into nursing if you dont have A levels.There are many nursing access courses that last a year and guaruntee you entry to a nursing programme.With your experience and committment in voluntary work , you would be a great candidate.I think you should bear that in mind and focus on this while you are recovering from all the distress you are going through.At the end of the day, nursing needs people who have experienced life, ups and downs included.Good luck, I hope it all works out for you.

[wolf63]

I take it that you have been to see your doctor. Some people think that taking anti-depressants is not for them. I have been on them for years and they took a long time to work.

Like you my main problem with depression is a foggy brain, inability to think logically or make decisions. I take citalopram and 1000mg daily Omega 3 EPA from a company called Healthy and Essential. My psychiatrist advised me to take the Omega 3.

Two and a half years ago I was medically retired from the civil service, I was a wreck. I lived in a little world of my own, and was unable to make the most minor decisions.

Now I am working in our local Oxfam shop on a voluntary basis and considering getting a part-time job. I write the newsletter for our local bipolar group (manic depression) and have created and run a website for the group and other less useful things.

I am amazed by how much my life has changed. I had been ill for 20 years. I have lost 3 stone (still really fat).

You need to un-fog your brain first, you may lose 'friends' along the way. But the ones who stick by you are the ones that are worth keeping.

Good luck with the nursing, or whatever you do. If you are strong enough to fight depression then you are strong enough for anything.

Susan

[sandyg2244]

susan,

just saw your last post.good on you for fighting this illness of depression and getting out there!i really admire you and you sound so positive.mental health is just as important as physical health and nowadays , slowly but surely the stigma is getting lifted.someone can have a broken leg, arthritis etc but some people look on mental illness as a crime at times.only because it hasnt happened to them!I for one am glad that things are changing and people are realising depression etc can happen to anyone!just like arthritis, you might not 'cure 'it completely, you can learn to manage it and get on with your life.in both cases it depends on the person and lots of circumstances.In your case, you sound like the sort of person I'd like to be if it happened to me.you're a fighter and you are trying to be the best you can be.

[yellowocean]

Thankyou for your kind words. I went for a run n do feel a bit better. Tomorrow i'l try again to sort some sort of future out. I have been to docs but wont take pills. Cant afford a shrink and waiting list was 5 months last time. I have tried to talk openly to my family n friends but i appear confidedent, travel alot on my own and am 'cosidered' pretty and model a bit so they dont take me seriously. I have never been or seen depression before and have alot of respect for anyone going through or recovering from it. It does not matter how much money, friends or what you look like which people seem to think! I have to realise not to wait for help from them and talk to someone whos worked this out first hand or a pro dont i. I do feel better from this little computer site and considering my current state i could not have asked for much more. Thankyoux Clair