need help re alcholic who is dying

[gsxr1100tony]

I hope that someone out there may be able to help. My 75yr old mother in law has her 49year old son who is an alcholoic living with her, he has liver cirrocs (cant spell it), cant walk and constantly collapses and for her to pick him up has hurt her back, and i have just been told she has had to clear up his dirty mess in the toilet,...no 2's, not nice for a 75 year old widow or anyone else for that matter. The doctors are absoultely no help, social services didnt bother to turn up and she has not received any help. Can anyone tell me who we can contact to get her help and also have him hospitalised. We are at the end of our thether and she is almost having a nervous breakdown, this is her time to spend with the memories of her husband and we dont know who we need to contact. any help would be appreciated and a contact would be fantastic. THANKS AND HELP PLEASSSSSSSSSSS

[janeo]

These epeople might be able to help.

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

[raysparx1]

Hi tony,

I answered your question the other day,if things are going down hill that quickly,you have to act,it is not fair on his mum, I would take him to the nearest hospital and leave him there,it might sound harsh but at least that way he will be looked at, social services most of the time are bloody useless,help yourself, do it now,take him today, good luck, Ray

[gsxr1100tony]

Thanks ray, but our only concern is that my mum called an ambulance last week when he fell and they arrived but refused "unbelievabley" to take him away, worried if we take him to hospital they will turn him away for not wanting to use up spare beds as we were told by the doctor! Also its getting him there under duress. Will think about what you have said, thanks again!!!

[liquidspace]

I had this with an exboyfriend. He needs a doctor to come out to see him, he will be taken to a drying out clinic, or to a mental hospital (whichever they see fit).

The doctor is the first point, things should go from there.

My father in law (68) has just died through 30 years of alcoholism and his son just had to clean up the mess from where he lay unfound for a week. Death by alcohol is very high and figures are misrepresented.

Good Luck, this is a very sad story.

[raysparx1]

tony, I would seriously do this, this man is dying,he deserves dignity,the NHS is there to help,his mum needs help, just take him and leave him there,sit him down and walk out,then phone them later,they will not throw him out,you cannot deal with this on your own,he is seriously ill, alchoholism is an illness,he needs help now,not next year,he won't be here next year by the sound of it, good luck tony, Ray

[gsxr1100tony]

thanks liquidspace, he has been in a drying out clinic twice now and he is under doctors supervision as and when they bother, other than that i think they have washed their hands of him, we really want to get him placed in a care assisted home or something as i dont think hell stop even if had drying out!!! Do you think this is a losing battle, i think so but still we have to try for our mum.Thanks for your words.

[lizzydrippin]

I really feel for this poor Mother, it must be awful for her having to live like that. I looked after a close friend who was in the same kind of condition (extremely hard work and I was alot younger than 75.) Sadly I found him dead in his bed one day when I went to check on him, I say 'sadly' because it was a waste of a life but when he died it wasnt only just a relief for him but for all his friends and family. This man sounds like he is very very ill and in all honesty I cant see him surviving too much longer.

[liquidspace]

Its not necessarily THE END if he somehow decides he wants to change and live his life, which by the sound of it will not happen easily.

The problem of course is mental and obviously he needs medication to help sort his head.

You must do something to try and change this situation and then at least you can say you did all you could.

[Eve]

Try speaking to NHS Direct to see if you can get some impartial advice from them..

http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/

These links may be helpful...

Crossroads Caring for Carers England and Wales
Crossroads schemes help carers by providing respite care attendants while they have a break. They may make a small charge for this service10 Regent Place
Rugby
CV21 2PN

Tel:[phone]

Website: www.crossroads.org.uk

Carers UK
Carers UK bills itself as the leading campaigning, policy and information organisation for carers. They are a membership organisation, led and set up by carers in 1965 to have a voice and to win the recognition and support that carers deserve. There are also divisions in Scotland, Ireland and Wales. Carers UK
20-25 Glasshouse Yard
London
EC1A 4JT

Tel:[phone]

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.carersuk.org


The Princess Royal Trust for Carers
The Princess Royal Trust for Carers provides information, advice and support services to almost a quarter of a million carers through its network of 122 Carers' Centres and interactive websites, Carers.org and YC Net. 142 Minories
London
EC3N 1LB

Tel:[phone]

Email: [email protected]

Website: www.carers.org

There may be local voluntary organisations who can help and maybe a local church.

Good luck xxx

[bednobs]

ok, 1} you cannot force an adult to be admitted to a medical facility unless they are sectioned. I work in the nhs, and whike "social services didnt turn up" dosent sound completely unfamilliar, its more likely he rang them and told them not to come- it sounds like he is manipulative and desperate for someone to listen to what he wants, not what they want him to do! Ambulance people cant cart away people who dont want to go either.
2) if he is dying, and in a beyond treatment stage then macmillan nurses can often help - the gp or district nurse would have to refer. However, the person still has to agree to the referral, but as they caome out to your home this may be acceptable to the man (ie not being forced in hospital). Macmillan nurses can help sort out equipment, care in the community, as well as being able to advise and help with stmptoms like weakness and diarrohea.

To be honest i see where you are coming from, but i wonder if you can see where he is coming from?

[gsxr1100tony]

Hi Bednobs thanks for your comments, He has been under the doctor and on medication for depression, he is in need of fixtures around the house to help him walk especially in the bathroom as he cannot get in or out of the bath but the council and social services failed to attend as promised, he did have a nurse that was to visit on a regular basis and in the past two weeks has visited once and he is willing to go to hospital but against all our odds is unable as all contacts are saying no, and lastly he is not able to read let alone pick up a phone a dial a number to tell social services not to visit. I understand your points and appreciate them but what else can we do if he is willing to get help but the people we are in contact with are letting us down.

[bednobs]

you're welcome, it must be very hard for you all. the only person who can get a person admitted from home apart from ambulance is the gp, so he or she is your first port of call. Does the man have a consultant loooking after him if he is dying? Does he have any out patient appointments at the hosp? if so, you could ring the consultants secretary to bring the appointment forward so they could see how he is now. I wonder if the mum has been to the gp also (is it the same gp?) to add weight to the case? has the gp actually seen him recently?
sorry i missunderstood when you said about going to hospital under duress i thought you meant he wouldnt go, but apparently he will .... as i said alcoholics can be very manipulative!
I wouldn't bet on a casualty dept just admitting someone you just dump there ...they would just find out his address and send him home probablty!

[gsxr1100tony]

Hi Bednobs, thanks again for your comments and advice. Yes he is under a doctor but without respect he seems little interested, he diagnoised him with the liver problem (cirrous cant spell it sorry) and told him his is dying and needs to stop drinking, we called an emergency dr out last week who said he would not admit him and his nerve system is shot to bits!!!!He also told him to get a grip. His mum has spoken to the council, CAB, Drs and nurses but nothing, not even a hospital appointment only a blood test that was done incorrectly an was due to be redone but they still have yet to turn up"!! one week late!!! We have lost a lot of faith and feel no where else to turn too, we cant take him to hospital and leave him although it makes sense.. like making a child learn.. but he is an adult,with children who are not allowed to see him as he looks a mess and it would break him to be left in a place other than his own pit!! Very sad but we are at a brick wall also with the help of gp's. Thank you

[rehab4addiction]

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