Need Help With Asperger's Boyfriend.

[atravelbrit]

Hi lovely people,

I need some advice for my Asperger's boyfriend. I'm starting to doubt if he actually has Asperger's, actually, because, when I ask him about it, he gets angry with me, and starts yelling. I wouldn't expect someone to get angry with me unless they were hiding something.

Anyway. Assuming he actually DOES have Asperger's:

I need help. He is constantly disrespecting my wishes and boundaries, and I've told him very clearly, multiple times, of what I can tolerate and what I can't. As some background, I'm coming from a few abusive relationships with men, where sexual and religious abuse and blackmail were involved. He knows about it.

He tells me to be "frank with him" because "he has Asperger's and needs to have things told clearly" to him, but then he completely ignores my stated boundaries when I am. I'm starting to believe he is just using his Asperger's as an excuse to be emotionally and otherwise selfish, saying sorry, then doing it all over again.

Please help. He wants to get married (LOL), but I don't want to do this for the rest of my life, and I often feel empty and constantly cheated. What should I do?

Thanks.

~ p3ptalk

[pixie374]

Hi, ok, this is two separate issues.
He may well have Aspergers. All of those are potential symptoms, and needing literal clues, is another. The question there, is who diagnosed him?

More importantly, whatever he does or doesn't have.... is actually not your problem or responsibility. You need to look after yourself. And for you, it doesn't actually matter if it is genuine or an excuse... you need to think honestly, if you are happy to live with this forever. No matter what the reason might be.
It seems... it is more than you should need to deal with, so, you really need to make some decisions here about what you want and need- without, worrying about why.

[Mamyalynne]

Put the Asperger's aside for now, if he isn't respecting your clearly explained boundaries he doesn't sound like the man for you.

[Peter Pedant]

get a new boyfriend

[dave50]

Dump him immediately, he is toxic.

[douglas9401]

Run for the hills.

[jno]

He is constantly disrespecting my wishes and boundaries

then leave him. It is not your job to cure him or care for him or save him (unless you are his nurse?). If he treated you well, you might consider it; as he treats you badly, do what you would with any other obnoxious boyfriend: leave him.