Twenty Two Years And Counting.
ChatterBank5 mins ago
Does Oily Hair Appear Thinner Than What It Really Is
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My hair is thinner than it used to be, however, sometimes it looks thinner than usual. I suffer from mild acne and oily skin and I was thinking maybe it’s the oil that makes my hair sometimes look a lot thinner than usual? When it’s like this my fringe looks separated and brittle rather than full of volume. My dermatologist has prescribed me roaccutane for my acne and I’m wondering if when roaccutane takes its course and clears up acne and oily skin it will stop my hair looking thin and greasy? I’m also taking finasteride to prevent further hair loss.
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jack - // Andy Hughes- I’m just sending you his channel for you to watch any of his videos, as pretty much all of them are talking about looks. //
I picked one at random and after about thirty seconds, I lost the will to live at the sheer vauousness and shallow nonsense that was being spoken at me.
You have to live in the real world, which is not attention-seeking pseudo gurus with a video camera and a delusion about how important their shallow nonsense is to anyone.
// How old are you out of curiosity? //
I am sixty-seven, but remember, I was not always sixty-seven, I was once a mid-twenties man losing his hair and fretting about it, just like you.
And the real world in which I live is fundamentally not diffrerent from the world you live in, time has hot altered the fundamentals - people have to meetr face to face and get to know each other really, not an image or an ideal, but as individuals with our attractions, our irritating habits, our humour, or sadness, what makes us human.
I learned a long time ago that any person of either gender who has been attracted to me as a friend or as a girlfriend, has never been interested in my looks - as a cross between Woody Allen and Paul McKenna, I am not someone any wman swooned over from afar.
But, I am a nice person, I am kind, I am humourous, I have a thirst for knowledge about everyone and everything, I smell wonderful, I have clean fingernails, I dress nicely, I smile a lot, and I make an excellent companion for an evening, or longer.
Oh, did I mention I am also bald? I may have missed that out, beucause it's really not important!!!!!!
I picked one at random and after about thirty seconds, I lost the will to live at the sheer vauousness and shallow nonsense that was being spoken at me.
You have to live in the real world, which is not attention-seeking pseudo gurus with a video camera and a delusion about how important their shallow nonsense is to anyone.
// How old are you out of curiosity? //
I am sixty-seven, but remember, I was not always sixty-seven, I was once a mid-twenties man losing his hair and fretting about it, just like you.
And the real world in which I live is fundamentally not diffrerent from the world you live in, time has hot altered the fundamentals - people have to meetr face to face and get to know each other really, not an image or an ideal, but as individuals with our attractions, our irritating habits, our humour, or sadness, what makes us human.
I learned a long time ago that any person of either gender who has been attracted to me as a friend or as a girlfriend, has never been interested in my looks - as a cross between Woody Allen and Paul McKenna, I am not someone any wman swooned over from afar.
But, I am a nice person, I am kind, I am humourous, I have a thirst for knowledge about everyone and everything, I smell wonderful, I have clean fingernails, I dress nicely, I smile a lot, and I make an excellent companion for an evening, or longer.
Oh, did I mention I am also bald? I may have missed that out, beucause it's really not important!!!!!!
naomi - // Be honest, AH. I’ve seen plenty of admiration from you for various celebrities but I’ve never seen you lust after an ugly one. //
That's because few 'ugly' women are 'celebrities' that's the culture we live in.
I do express attraction and admiration for a number of beautiful women in the public eye, but that is simply the shallowness that admiration of stangers allows me to have, and is competely distinct from the reality in which I live day to day.
My wife is sixty-six, and the fact that she has grey hair, wrinkes, and wider hips than when I met her does not detract for a moment from the reaons why I married her - her kindless, integrity, humour, passion, love of our children, and me, remain unchanged and unchangeable.
Fancying gorgeous celebs is a trivial frivolous thing I enjoy - but it's not real, and I do know that.
That's because few 'ugly' women are 'celebrities' that's the culture we live in.
I do express attraction and admiration for a number of beautiful women in the public eye, but that is simply the shallowness that admiration of stangers allows me to have, and is competely distinct from the reality in which I live day to day.
My wife is sixty-six, and the fact that she has grey hair, wrinkes, and wider hips than when I met her does not detract for a moment from the reaons why I married her - her kindless, integrity, humour, passion, love of our children, and me, remain unchanged and unchangeable.
Fancying gorgeous celebs is a trivial frivolous thing I enjoy - but it's not real, and I do know that.
Andy Hughes - 67? Man I have respect for my elders but how can you possibly know better than me about what women in their early twenties look for in a partner? Young women in 2021 and women in the 1970s when you was young are a different breed. Women in 2021 have a lot more options than women in the 1970s did
jack - // I would also like to add that I’m not saying personality isn’t important, of course it is, however the first thing we as humans look at is appearance and if that appearance doesn’t look good then we don’t want to be romantic with that person //
I take your point - but attraction is not restricted to 'beauty' because that is different for everyone.
By the time you get past the initial conversation with someone, let's say a girl you like, if she is not a personality you can enjoy being with, it doesn;t matter how 'beautiful' she is, she is never going to be a match for you because you will get used to her looks, but not her adverse personality.
That applies the other way - a man can be drop-dead gorgeous, but if he is shallow and boring, he is not the catch he appears.
I take your point - but attraction is not restricted to 'beauty' because that is different for everyone.
By the time you get past the initial conversation with someone, let's say a girl you like, if she is not a personality you can enjoy being with, it doesn;t matter how 'beautiful' she is, she is never going to be a match for you because you will get used to her looks, but not her adverse personality.
That applies the other way - a man can be drop-dead gorgeous, but if he is shallow and boring, he is not the catch he appears.
Jack - // Man I have respect for my elders but how can you possibly know better than me about what women in their early twenties look for in a partner? //
Because I don't live in an old people's home!!
I interact with plenty of people your age all the time, and I observe how they live, what they do, what they like and don't like.
My grandaughter is tywrnty-five, I talk with a lot of her friends, of both sexes, and I am aware of how they are, what they see, and how as a rule, they find find people appelng or not for exactly the same reasons as they did they I was that age.
Women in 2021 and women in the 1970s when you was young are a different breed. Women in 2021 have a lot more options than women in the 1970s did.
No, they are not a 'different breed' at all, that is nonsense.
Woem are fundamentally the same, becuase people are fundamentally the same, values and desires have really not changed that much at all.
And if I 'can't know' what life is like for your generation, how can you keap to conclusions about the differences in mine?
Neither of us can - but we both live in the same world - trust me, things have not changed that much, in the ways that really matter, they are exactly the same.
Because I don't live in an old people's home!!
I interact with plenty of people your age all the time, and I observe how they live, what they do, what they like and don't like.
My grandaughter is tywrnty-five, I talk with a lot of her friends, of both sexes, and I am aware of how they are, what they see, and how as a rule, they find find people appelng or not for exactly the same reasons as they did they I was that age.
Women in 2021 and women in the 1970s when you was young are a different breed. Women in 2021 have a lot more options than women in the 1970s did.
No, they are not a 'different breed' at all, that is nonsense.
Woem are fundamentally the same, becuase people are fundamentally the same, values and desires have really not changed that much at all.
And if I 'can't know' what life is like for your generation, how can you keap to conclusions about the differences in mine?
Neither of us can - but we both live in the same world - trust me, things have not changed that much, in the ways that really matter, they are exactly the same.
Andy Hughes- in your day a lot of women got married young, like my grandparents did in the early 1960s. Hook up culture is a lot more common these days so women want to chase the nicest looking guys, why do you think there’s so many single mothers. A lot more than there was 50 years ago. Not saying there wasn’t any but nowhere near to today. Young women these days are very different to women in your day
Andy Hughes - alright I’ll rephrase it, society is very different, which has given young women more freedom than they used to have, such as normalising casual sex and single motherhood, something that was frowned upon in your day. I bet you didn’t get many women playing rugby, boxing and MMA in your day or getting tattoos like they do now
I think you’re wrong, AH. I think life for young people is very different now - and I’d hazard a guess that jack knows more about it than you do. I actually think that despite all the freedoms it’s very much a world of ‘me, me, me’ and there is far more pressure on young people to conform to certain stereotypes and attitudes … hence Jack’s concerns.
Jack - // Andy Hughes - alright I’ll rephrase it, society is very different, which has given young women more freedom than they used to have, such as normalising casual sex and single motherhood, something that was frowned upon in your day. I bet you didn’t get many women playing rugby, boxing and MMA in your day or getting tattoos like they do now //
We seem to be veering away from your initial premise, which was your own deeply personal worry about losng your hair, and my attempts to reassure you that it will not be the disadvantage that you are convinced it will be.
Now we are debating the changes of society as a whole, and the differneces made by the passing of time.
// I bet you didn’t get many women playing rugby, boxing and MMA in your day or getting tattoos like they do now //
No, and I bet you don't get smoking inb pubs, rampant racism, sexism, drink driving, football hooliganism, low wages, rubbish banger cars, dreadful beer and three channels on the telly like they did then!
Of course society has changed, in very many ways for the far better, and amen to that.
But to return to our original exhange - my point remains that fundamentally, interactions between people have not changed that much.
If you are worried that the acceptance of casual sex and the advent of computer dating means you are going to miss out out on lots of chance encounters with shallow women, then that may well be true.
But you sound to me like a thoughtful intelligent guy who will be happy to date equally thoughtful and intelligent women, and you won;t find them in the world of on-line dating and shallow trophy-hunting.
You will find them in the world by trial and error, experience, and fin - just like i did, all those years ago.
There may be hundreds of women who gave me a swerve because I was not sprayed with evolution's cologne - their loss.
I am a good guy, a nice person, I have deeply interesting conversation, and a world of experience, none of which are ruled or deminished by the absencce of the fabulous head of voluminous curls I had growing up, but have no longer.
We seem to be veering away from your initial premise, which was your own deeply personal worry about losng your hair, and my attempts to reassure you that it will not be the disadvantage that you are convinced it will be.
Now we are debating the changes of society as a whole, and the differneces made by the passing of time.
// I bet you didn’t get many women playing rugby, boxing and MMA in your day or getting tattoos like they do now //
No, and I bet you don't get smoking inb pubs, rampant racism, sexism, drink driving, football hooliganism, low wages, rubbish banger cars, dreadful beer and three channels on the telly like they did then!
Of course society has changed, in very many ways for the far better, and amen to that.
But to return to our original exhange - my point remains that fundamentally, interactions between people have not changed that much.
If you are worried that the acceptance of casual sex and the advent of computer dating means you are going to miss out out on lots of chance encounters with shallow women, then that may well be true.
But you sound to me like a thoughtful intelligent guy who will be happy to date equally thoughtful and intelligent women, and you won;t find them in the world of on-line dating and shallow trophy-hunting.
You will find them in the world by trial and error, experience, and fin - just like i did, all those years ago.
There may be hundreds of women who gave me a swerve because I was not sprayed with evolution's cologne - their loss.
I am a good guy, a nice person, I have deeply interesting conversation, and a world of experience, none of which are ruled or deminished by the absencce of the fabulous head of voluminous curls I had growing up, but have no longer.
naomi - // I’d hazard a guess that jack knows more about it than you do. //
Why hazard a guess?
Of course he knows more about it that I do, he lives in it twenty-four-seven, I am occasinal visitor.
But that does not negate the points I am making about the similarities in important areas between my youth and his.
Why hazard a guess?
Of course he knows more about it that I do, he lives in it twenty-four-seven, I am occasinal visitor.
But that does not negate the points I am making about the similarities in important areas between my youth and his.
Basically when it comes to dating in 2021 and in the future as a young man I think these 3 rules apply:- if you are above average in looks you will have a very easy ride, and I personally know above average looking guys that women ask them out, yes...women ask them out!!! If you, like myself are average looking, you have a good chance but you kind of have to have good ‘game’ meaning you have to be able to prove yourself to her by being an excellent conversationalist etc. If you are unfortunate enough to be below average looking, ie, someone who has some or all of these physical traits, short, bald, overweight, circular bulging eyes, poor facial structure such as eyes too close together or far apart, crooked nose, etc, then you will definitely have an extremely difficult time finding a girl in this day and age. As if a man who I have just described approached a woman in person she will most likely reject him before he has the chance to show his personality
For the unfortunate (your word) you describe there are things he can do absolutely nothing about - others that he can work on or pay to have corrected (eg nose).
Above all, he needs to be approachable,easy to talk to and generally a nice person to be with.
I'm afraid if you thought you'd you'd found a site with some twenty somethings who would agree with all you've said then you chose the wrong site Jack.
Above all, he needs to be approachable,easy to talk to and generally a nice person to be with.
I'm afraid if you thought you'd you'd found a site with some twenty somethings who would agree with all you've said then you chose the wrong site Jack.
Mamyalynne- I know he can’t do anything about those things, but do you think young women are going to take pity on him just because he can’t change them features? When you say about him being approachable what women are going to approach a man who looks like that? None. If he approaches a girl she will automatically reject him before he has a chance to show his personality. I know that is how it is in this day and age for young people my age.
Jack - // Mamyalynne- I know he can’t do anything about those things, but do you think young women are going to take pity on him just because he can’t change them features? When you say about him being approachable what women are going to approach a man who looks like that? None. If he approaches a girl she will automatically reject him before he has a chance to show his personality. I know that is how it is in this day and age for young people my age. //
I think the social setting where people meet has an influence on how things pan out.
For example, in pubs or clubs, there are certain social rules and atmospheres laid down which impact on socail interaction.
There is an expectation that the two genders will mingle and check each other out.
Because each is usually in a social group with friends, this will directly influence who talks to whom - no members or either group will want to be see talking to someone their group would not approve of, that's is where the notions of perceived physical attraction come into play.
A guy will not speak with a less attractive girl, for fear of riddicule from his friends, and a girl will do the same, so it's really not a good place to meet potential friends or partners because the social rules get in the way.
Far easier and more successful are social gatherings where no such expectations are in force - informal parties, gatherings like that, where people can chat, and move to other conversations if they wish, and return if they wish, far more relaxed and giving people a chance to talk properly without standard behaviours being expected.
I worked in night clubs for three years and ever once met a girlfriend there, with the exception of my wife, but she worked there as well, so we didn't have to endure the 'chat up' scenario.
If the circumstances are more relaxed, they are better suited to simple social interaction which makes for a better chance of being appreciated for who people are, not whether they pass the litmus test of friends' approvaL or not.
I think the social setting where people meet has an influence on how things pan out.
For example, in pubs or clubs, there are certain social rules and atmospheres laid down which impact on socail interaction.
There is an expectation that the two genders will mingle and check each other out.
Because each is usually in a social group with friends, this will directly influence who talks to whom - no members or either group will want to be see talking to someone their group would not approve of, that's is where the notions of perceived physical attraction come into play.
A guy will not speak with a less attractive girl, for fear of riddicule from his friends, and a girl will do the same, so it's really not a good place to meet potential friends or partners because the social rules get in the way.
Far easier and more successful are social gatherings where no such expectations are in force - informal parties, gatherings like that, where people can chat, and move to other conversations if they wish, and return if they wish, far more relaxed and giving people a chance to talk properly without standard behaviours being expected.
I worked in night clubs for three years and ever once met a girlfriend there, with the exception of my wife, but she worked there as well, so we didn't have to endure the 'chat up' scenario.
If the circumstances are more relaxed, they are better suited to simple social interaction which makes for a better chance of being appreciated for who people are, not whether they pass the litmus test of friends' approvaL or not.
I mean I guess if the guy who is very bad looking physically has a nice personality and she sees that then what will most likely happen is she will friend zone him. She will keep him there as a friend who she knows she can depend on and discuss her problems with etc, but she won’t want to get physical with him
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