Sons Ex Partner Playing Up Again

[malagabob]

The strained history,( many years now )between my son and his ex partner( not married) Has blown up again. She lives in Scotland with our grandsons. He’s living back with us in S Wales. He’s working but with his outgoings doesn’t have much left after paying all his bills. Virtually nil in fact.She expects him to travel up regular to see the boys. Latest thing she came up with is travel up for every?? weekend. Apart from the 12 hr round trip, he can’t afford the petrol. They’ve had a heated argument about it. She throws up things like “you can go out on a Friday to meet workmates” but you can’t come up to Scotland. She can’t get it into her head he can’t afford it. Now she’s said if your not coming up NO one is. Meaning myself and the wife. He had planned to go up to see the boys for Christmas. Us after Christmas.
We have come to the conclusion many months ago she only wants money. As much as she can get. He pays maintenance and her Sky and broadband. She rarely phones us. But if she does it’s to complain about money. My son has txt if he can go up for Christmas but she hasn’t replied.

[Peter Pedant]

I am sorry m-bob
as grandparents you as you must know,
you are observers in this drama

and I agree she is jerking your son around BUT - - - she ws gonna do that anyway....

[barry1010]

Did she choose to move to Scotland with the boys after they split up or did your son choose to move so far away from them?

[malagabob]

She’s always lived in Scotland Barry. My son lived with her working away most of the week, back at weekends But nearer than now. The relationship was always strained. It was never going to work out. If he was late arriving back on the Friday it was an interrogation. “Where have you been” it only takes x amount of hrs to drive back etc. There was slow traffic/accident. “How long were you stuck in traffic” 1/2 hr. “But you’ve been an hour longer” This was only one example. In the end he’d had enough

[Tuvok]

How old are the children?

Could they travel down - at her expense? That might make her realise the cost!

[douglas9401]

We should all, those with 'normal' relationships anyway, count our blessings after reading stories like these.

The usual ups and downs pale by comparison.

[Stickybottle]

Why is he paying her Sky bill ?
I would stop that for a start !

[dannyk13]

Agree with Sticky. If she paid her own Sky and Broadband maybe your son would be able to afford the trip to Scotland.

[Bobbisox1]

I was about to ask the same Qs re Sky
Is he paying for the boys via the CSA Malagabob?

[malagabob]

He has told her before he’s stopping Sky but she uses the excuse “ it’s the only thing the boys have” The cartoons etc. The broadband they have for the Playstations.
They’re too young to travel alone Tuvok
He’s paying more per week than the recommend amount bobbisox.

[jennyjoan]

Poor son - partner is really taking him for a ride and he can't get away - the only way is when his children are grown up. Methinks.

[Tuvok]

Change the Sky package to the minimum that would give the childrens channel. Or see if its cheaper via Now Tv.

[Bobbisox1]

She’s playing your son Mb, I hope your son gets it sorted

[jennyjoan]

Tuvok - the son is probably avoiding all kinds of contact with her and so I think lowering the sky won't help too much with the finances.

[malagabob]

Thanks for all your replies. We, myself and the wife have in the past, looked into going to court to gain a certain amount of contact with the grandsons. Being that they live in Scotland, we would have to employ 2 solicitors, 1 in Wales 1 in Scotland.
Our fear is she brainwashes the boys. We can imagine her saying. Nanny and grandad are not coming for Christmas so there will be no presents off them. She’s that type of person.

[emmie]

she sounds a right selfish so and so, and i would have stopped the Sky payments irrespective of what she bleats.

[murraymints]

He should pay what CSA dictate.. Then when he can travel up he'll have funds to treat the boys..think she wants him to subsidise her

[barry1010]

Is there no way he could live closer to his boys? They must miss him.

[Stickybottle]

I agree with murraymints

He should stop the Sky and pay bit a penny more than the CSA would stipulate
His ex may get arsey initially but he can then say that with the money he would be saving by not subsidising her he can now spend on seeing the children
That may make her re-evaluate how she treats him
A solicitors letter outlining that proposal might point her in the right direction too
Best of luck with it all
Wishing you a decent outcome