Platonic marriage

[lainiej]

Is it possible to have a platonic marriage ? I'm 48 and have only been married for 3 yrs (this time) and although I do love my hubby I dont really fancy him. We rarely have sex and in fact sleep in separate rooms cos he snores. About once a month I'll do it but only if he doesnt touch me intimately cos I cant bear it - I used to love it. I'd be devastated if he had an affair and I'm sure I wouldnt have one but I find myself longing to be held and given a damn good snogging !!! Can this work ? Is it all over already ?
The strange thing is that I've lost 2 1/2 stone in weight and I felt sexier when I was heavier.
I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks all. Elaine x

[raysparx1]

I hope you don't mind me asking, but why are you with him ? do you love him as a brother or a friend ? I think it is over but you won't admit it, no good staying together because the thought of being alone is worse, I cannot see it getting any better if you can't even stand him touching you "intimately" I hope you work something out,but I think you have a lot oif questions to ask yourself and you need to be honest when answering.

[netibiza]

Sounds OK to me - friendship is much more valuable than sex, although haveing said that, you are both too young to have a sexless marriage.. Are you starting the menopause as this can happen. Good luck anyway.

[Siamsal]

To answer your first question, I would say yes it can - providing you are both happy with it that way.

But I don't think you are, are you? You say you'd be devastated if he had an affair and you'd never contemplate it, so I think there's some spark there. It just needs re-kindling.

And what's your husband's opinion on this? Is he happy with it being platonic? Have you talked about it? You might find he's just as upset as you are.

Hav eyou thought about getting help? Counselling, that sort of thing?

[lainiej]

Its hard to answer that Ray. I certainly love him and there are times when I still feel the rush of emotion that being in love starts with - but I'm not IN love with him.
I keep trying to think if something happened to make me go off being touched but cant think of anything. We have a laugh and enjoy each others company.
Netibiza - I think your idea is possible cos keep being hot and sweaty and am taking supplements for the menopause.
To be quite honest, we talked about this last night and some of the situation might be caused by learned behaviour (?). Eg. he will suggest having sex either jokingly or seriously and we now expect me to fight him off or say no.
He's not happy about it but I think has probably come to accept the situation.

[Hellion]

OK Lainiej this may sound weird but given your age (I'm 47 so I'm not being rude!) is there any chance you are going through menopause? Symptons of which include loss of libido, tiredness, difficulty in sleeping and mood swings and generally confused emotional state. Don't worry about sleeping in separate rooms all 4 women (inc me) in my office have admitted that they sometimes sleep in the spare room because their husband snores, so that's normal!
Try seeing a Doctor and getting your hormone levels checked, it may be the way you are feeling is hormonal not emotional at all.

[raysparx1]

Now thats what I missed (being a bloke) menopause didn't enter my head,well it wouldn't would it, if it is that then yes you probably can get through it, you should have told me to shut up lainiej, I feel like a right winkle now !!!!

[Hellion]

Sorry you'd posted agin before mine came up, just read it. Definitely go to the Doctor and get your hormones checked. The situation you describe regarding sex is absolutely a sympton of menopause.

[Hellion]

Ray your lovely and wise, just not clued up about menopause!!! The clue is in the name men_pause lol!!



XX

[raysparx1]

Hi Hellion, LOl, Not very wise,I am sorry to say, men should not answer questions about ladies of a, shall we say tender age, sorry lainiej, I won't do it again, xx

Ladies are wiser than blokes anyway xx

[lainiej]

Ray, hunny, we all always value your opinions - anyway I needed to hear the male point of view. SO thank you xx
Hellion - I think I will get checked out. Actually I think you can buy kits for checking if youre menopausal = just like ovulation ones. Thanks for your post x x

[RATTER15]

Steady Ray, not all them wiser lol