good friend?

[cheffron]

Last year I moved to another country - to start a new job. It wasn't just me - about 80 people moved and started working together. It was fairly chaotic moving - but we all found flats and some people lived alone and some lived together. A few weeks after we were there - a friend of mine needed somewhere to stay - he fell out with his housemate and asked if he could stay at our flat. I said yes and he stayed for about 2 weeks. A few months ago I returned to England. When I first arrived I stayed in the house where I used to live. Last week I discovered that I need to move out because the landlord needs to renovate. Anyway, so yesterday I asked my friend if I could stay at his for a week or so. He was very reluctant to say yes and said for me to ask his partner. Who I do know - but not as well. I felt a bit uncomfortable. And I probably will not ask his partner. So what am I to think?

[ummmm]

That he's selfish and has forgotten your good deed.

[cheffron]

I'm actually surprised...do people really forget that soon?

[cheffron]

actually I thought he would say "yeah thats cool - anytime"

What do you think I should do?

[spk]

Cheffron I went through something similar- my (ex now) friend was stuck for somewhere to stay over a year ago, I let her stay with me scott free for 2 months, but when I went to Australia and was stuck for somewhere to stay she made me feel really uncomfortable in her flat and was awful. I had a terrible xmas and new year because of it. Sometimes people are just selfish and have a frighteningly short memory. I would try sort yourself out with something else and write him off your friends list x

[claireyfairy]

I would try and find somewhere else hon but I wouldn't let him get away with it, he has been a total pg and needs to be checked on his attitude. Fair enough we don't do things purely for the favour to be returned but it's not at all out of order to expect the same favour now that you are in a tight situation. People do forget quickly and have the memory of elephants if and when it suits them.

[Hellion]

cheffron - as I've got older I've realised some people are basically decent and some are users. Just eliminate this person from your list of 'friends', he's not worth wasting your time on. But do tell him you are disappointed by his attitude, as you did not hesitate to give him a roof over his head when he needed it!
Good luck with flat hunting.

[makemesmile]

There could be another reason behind his outwardly seeming selfish attitude. Maybe right now isn't such a good time for him. Maybe he and his partner aren't getting on too well or an illness or any number of things that could be made worse by another person staying. I'm not excusing his behaviour, I'd be gutted if this had happened to me, but maybe you could sit him down and explain how his reluctance to return the favour has made you feel? And if he hasn't got a good reason, then I'm afraid that you have to put it down to experience. But I do feel for you. We like to think people will treat us as we treat them, but it doesn't always work that way.

[Presario]

I don't mean this to sound awful, but maybe when he stayed with you he didn't enjoy the experience. Maybe he found you difficult to live with and does not wish to recreate the situation?

[cheffron]

we became friends when he stayed at mine - I stayed at his flat in the other country and all was fine...I'm more upset at the fact that he didnt say yes or no - just kind of told me to ask his partner...

Good news - I think I've found somewhere!