paranoia

[sophie_1003]

Why do I get so upset when my boyfriend even mentions other girls?? I'm never usually this paranoid has anyone got any good recommendations of things I should do to reassure myself when I'm not with him?

[oldwoman]

Its natural and men do it just to get a reaction. Its all down to trust, the worse thing you can do is confront him with it.

[sophie_1003]

I don't mean he metions them in a way that's supposed to get a reaction from me (thank god he's not like that!) all he has to do is say there's some new people in his college class, I say how many, he says 4 lads and 2 girls and all I hear is "girls" and immediately start thinking he finds them more attractive than me! I have spoken to him and he's been lovely I'd just like to know if anyone knows a good way to reasuure myself when he's eg at work. Just out of curiosity, why would it be the worse thing if i confronted him with it?

[oldwoman]

Because you then get into the jealous mode.If he`s been lovely thats great and I dont think you have anything to worry about. Feel good about yourself, its you he`s chosen to go out with.

[curiosity]

Because you'll get on his nerves so much you'll lose him unnecessarily, then how would you feel? Try thinking about how you are when you meet new lads anywhere like at college or work and what your interactions and feelings are like in their company and whether their very presence makes you want to change your life. I hear you saying I don't think anything like that, well, neither does he, you've got to keep telling yourself this. try looking at mentalhelp.net I'm not saying you have a major problem! It has some really good advice on thinking in the resources bit, basic everyday stuff & CBT. I use some of the techniques just to stop me stressing when I come in from work to a pig sty and I don't now create an immediate negative vibe with the other half & kids over it. Good Luck

[TheTemptress]

honestly, take my advice sophie, ive been married for 24 years and my hubby and i are still madly in love....secret is..no jealousy -----from ME! now he has worked away for years. he is in the perfect position to screw around and i know that but i have honestly never ever confronted him about it. just dont. men really appreciate that...he is more jealous of me at home which is fine, i just dont go there and tell him not to even ask me because i say to him....look ive never ever asked you and he appreciates that. men hate jealous women. when we are out ill say to him 'look at that gorgeous woman' he'll say...what woman!! hehe....its a game we play....honestly, he says he loves me because im like one of the boys and i dont get jealous and even point out lovely women and it makes him feel...mmm i dont know the word but jealousy is a recipe for disaster....always has been...sorry for the long reply but as usual im on the bacardis on a friday night..yeehaa

[sophie_1003]

Thanks all for ur answers, curiosity thats the best idea in the world, cos ur completely right that I dont think about other blokes like that! Temptress, I already have "confronted" him with it, although I wouldn't use that word myself, I'd say that I went to him for reassurance because I need to be honest about my feelings with him, if I don't I think I'll go mad with paranoia, just the same way that I'm understanding if he gets paranoid and needs reassurance. Neither of us would want the other to keep quiet about it and just try and forget about the very real paranoid feelings we sometimes have. Also it's not true that all men hate jealous women, yes I think he would get annoyed with me if I was like it all the time but we both know it's just a phase I'm going through. He did actually say that he's (in a wierd way) glad that I get paranoid too cos it shows him that I'm not going to cheat on him (why would I be paranoid about him doing something if I already am?). Thanks again for all the answers.