Whenever Anyone

[fruitsalad]

dies, why do people always seem to say, so and so was a lovely person, would do anything for anyone, he/she was well liked, had lots of friends bla bla bla.....it seems everyone that dies gets the same speech, don't know if it's just me, but I'm not bothered if I'm liked or not, especially when I'm not around to know, either way

[barry1010]

It's simple kindness and compassion to those who loved the deceased.
Also that innate sense of fair play many people have. It's not nice to say nasty things about someone who can no longer defend themselves.

[ToraToraTora]

I think you've answered your own question me old china.

[andy-hughes]

As advised, it's simple kindness. People who liked the deceased say so, those who didn't keep quiet, so you only hear nice things said.

[nailedit]

I might be the odd one out here but...
I would really appreciate at my funeral if all my
'failures' were mentioned.
(Struggle with mental health, addiction issues, prison etc)
along with the positives
(charity work, raising a family as a lone parent, etc)
Kinda puts a balance on things.

Ultimatly Ive got no say so over what will be said.

[rowanwitch]

Of course you can write your own .... And hope they accept the responsibility of reading it out.... I don't give a monkeys, I will be the last one of my family so No one will care

[Barmaid]

I once knew a very cantankerous old curmudgeon and what was largely said at his funeral was "He was a keen rose gardener", "yes, he so loved his roses". But that was about the limit of it!

[david small]

They will say I was blunt, undiplomatic, yet kind, and generous, and also hung like a horse:-)

[nailedit]

David Small
I once dated a blind girl who said that I was hung like a horse.
She was just pulling my leg....
Wheres my coat?

[david small]

Nice one nails.

[Peter Pedant]

I think you've answered your own question me old china.
foo ! ding dang dong !
a bit more rubbish:
de mortuis nil nisi bonum

about the dead, nothing but ( the) good

Attributed to Chilon of Sparta, ,it was first recorded in Classical Greek, as: τὸν τεθνηκóτα μὴ κακολογεῖν ("Of the dead do not speak ill."),

but the latin dates from.....1443 -

[DarceyK123]

I always wonder why people say you shouldn't speak ill of the dead. Why? If they were a right old misery guts or whatever why cant you say it?

I know folk will say its because they cant defend themselves but even if they were alive and they live, for example, 3 streets away, they wont hear the quote and still wont be able to defend themselves.

[Barmaid]

In fairness, Darcey, I agree with you. I encourage my clients (I deal with a lot of immediate post death stuff) to "download" about the deceased. Initially it tends to be guarded and respectful but very soon the "real" person comes out. The bereaved seem to then relax into an acceptance that their deceased relative was no demi-god and actually, there is absolutely nothing wrong in expressing that honestly held opinion.

This "not here to defend himself" is tosh because the reality is people express their thoughts and feelings to anyone other than the subject of those thoughts and feelings. In reality one would not be so effusive in one's praise to someone to their face (unless one is a total creep) but equally one would not normally be so blunt as to outline their perceived faults. So there is often no question of the deceased having been able to defend themselves whilst alive.

Although there is a lot to be said for "if you cannot say anything nice and you do not really need to say anything say nothing at all."

[lankeela]

Worse when a child dies, they were always such a joyous loving child who was friends with everyone - lets face it, nobody is going to say they were a right little *** are they?

[douglas9401]

I wonder if David Small is a French butcher.

[douglas9401]

As to my own eulogy, I hope no-one says that I didn't suffer fools gladly.

I tend to take that phrase as meaning that 'they' were an opinionated gobshite who tended to pee everybody off.

See various AB posts passim.