Can you ever really get over husban having an affair?

[trifintol]

I found out 2 years ago my husband has been sleeping with a woman he set up in business with. They had been sleeping together for 2 and a half years when I found out. We had always been so close, my best friend as well as my husband. We have 4 small children. I feel certain he would never cheat on me again as he was devestated at the thought of losing me and at the effect a break up would have on him and the children. I have been able to stay with him and we are trying to rebuild our life - but I just dont feel the same anymore and the betrayal will still not go away even though it has been 2 years. If anyone out there has been in a similar situation - is it possible to get things back on track properley and get on with our lives. I don't know how to forgive him.

[Androcles]

I don't expect you ever will feel the same as things HAVE changed. You have both made a decision for the sake of the children, so you may have to make the most of it. Don't ecpect too much of yourself or him, because trust can only be built up over a period of time, be grateful that you are still together and try and build up the friendship and share in the common cause. Love, if it is to return, will come back slowly, if you give it a chance...........

[Velvetee]

You will never feel the same again, as that trust has been broken and always at the back of your mind, you will doubt his fidelity.

My partner didn't go quite as far as yours, but I know how you feel. perhaps relationship Counselling could help you come to terms with what has happened and may help you to forgive him. It will take a long time though, but the main thing is, you both want your marriage to work and it may end up stronger.

[sqad617]

Then leave him.

Nobody is perfect, not even you trifintol.

Forgive him and get on with your lives for Pete's sake. Everybody has their pluses and minuses, so concentrate on his pluses................if you can't, then leave him..........and if you can't leave him, then stop whingeing and get on with life.

[trifintol]

Hey Squad
I actually completely agree with you. It's really easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself and focussing on the negative stuff. I really needed a kick up the bum so thanks! You are right. Am interested are you a man or woman? None of my female friends have been so to the point!

[sqad617]

trifintol.....I am a man.
C'mon give him a break eh?

[trifintol]

Hey Squad!
Knew you were a man!!! Seriously, your answer has been the most helpful. You make it sound so easy - but actually it is as easy as you make it. I just need to stay in the 'zone'.
Promise to give him a break!
Thanks.

[Razzle09]

no

[Velvetee]

Just make sure he's aware he hasn't got off easily, or he might think he can do it again and you'll forgive him again.

[tamborine]

They're are many prowling predatorial females who have no guilt or conscience at disrupting family lives - in their quest for a 'meal ticket'. Successful men are the most stalked by these predators.

Long standing partners & wives have aided these men to their successes. Do not stand aside & let a predator slip into your OHs arms, many males being weak to lust! Fight the threat by every means you can muster for the sake of you & your family. Dont let him alone to these threats! You behave like the mistress now before he leaves & she wins.

[RebeccaSJ]

It varies from person to person.  Yes, I think I can.