Parenting Feelings

[cybil2403]

Yesterday, my son (6) hurt himself and was in hysterics. As a mother, I cradled him in my arms to ease some of his pain and calm him down. Literally, 3 minutes later his dad came through and sat next to me and took him off me. His was of dealing with pain and tears is to make lighthearted jokes. I felt hurt but also undermined by him. To me, he was undermining my parenting skills. Am I over reacting?

[murraymints]

a tad...we have differing ways of comforting young children..no right or wrong ways....humour as a distraction works !

[Cloverjo]

People have different ways of dealing with things like that. He wasn't undermining you. He was doing what he thought was the way to jolly your boy out of his distress.
As long as the lad is ok now, I'd forget about it.

[Old_Geezer]

One needed to be there to see how he was taken off you; but by the sound of it, yes. You're a team, you achieve a goal together rather than feel put out because the other helped and tried a different method.

[Quoi]

Yes

[jno]

looks like he came along later, didn't see the hysterics, and responded to a different situation; both responses may have been fine, at different stages of the problem.

All the same, I don't see why he'd take the boy off you at all. Perhaps you could reach an understanding that the first parent to the rescue is allowed to do it his or her way?

[RobNorth]

He would have reacted differently with a daughter....

[kvalidir]

TBH, unless it was done to deliberately undermine your method of doing things, then yes you are over reacting. Kids will generally milk their ills even when they are genuinely hurt and humorous distraction is a centuries old technique and in fact my own go to of choice, too much soothing and coddling of kids even when genuinely hurt will make the howling go on longer generally. I'm sure he was only trying to help, but if this is part of a bigger picture then talk to him about it :)

[saintpeter48]

Children get over these things very quickly and I think that you should do this also, otherwise you and your husband will be arguing whilst your son is out playing and having a great time!

[jourdain2]

Yes, I think you are. Children need both approaches. First calm them, then jolly them along into forgetting about it. Sounds like an example of a good joint approach.

[Mamyalynne]

You are viewing it as if he was trying to improve on your approach, when really all he was doing was doing it his way.

Both are valuable.

[jno]

taking the boy off his mother in order to do it his way is pretty impolite though, Mamya. Why couldn't he just let them both be?

[Hopkirk]

Some people might criticise him if he hadn't got involved. The young lad might have been soothed by both parents showing their concern.

[Mamyalynne]

I can't answer that Jno, only speculate and he isn't here explaining.

[jno]

to be sure, Mamya, but the OP is asking a fair question, which is about more than just their son's immediate pain. I think she has a point that needs addressing with him.

[Mamyalynne]

Agreed, they should discuss it.