lovers or liars

[stylinsam]

Hi guys iv got another dilemma today.
Remember I told you about my best friend (lets call him Dave) hes going to iraq!
Well last night we all went for a drink (me dave my bf and a bunch of my mates)
Then after the pub we went to daves local and while we were there we saw my bf's cousin (jerry ) remember the one I fell out with) and she was all over dave (now he was really drunk�) and all of a sudden they are dating eachother, now I no this sounds all playground material but, when me and jerry used to speak she told me that she would never ever date dave in a million years- but now she is? And I cant help but think that she is doing it just to get back in with the circle of friends we have (and to get back at me) now my question is how do I tell dave my best mate for 5 years how I feel about it, and that I think she is using him(cos that's what kind of person she is) and she s using him as an excuse to get back into the whole friends routine i.e going out at the weekends etc etc. I didn't no how to write this without sounding childish, but jerry has done a lot of awful things to me, and dave no's all about this, I keep asking myself why would she want to start dating him when he is going iraq in a few days

Please don't judge me by this Q but im writing what im thinking if that makes sense . Thanks SSx

[redcrx]

Sam,
If i were you Id keep quiet for now. As you said Dave is going in a few days, the last thing you want to risk is a rift between you at such a time. If this girl is not serious about seeing Dave then chance are it will fizzle out before he has a chance to get attached and no real harm will have been done.
Of course Dave may be seeing it as a last fling before heading off to iraq, would you want to stop that.

[Octavius]

Hmm, agree with red. Sounds like a bit of the green eyed monster to me. As said above, let him enjoy this little moment of (possible) happiness without being whinged at by you on the morals, rights and wrongs of what he is doing. If he leaves these shores with the earache from you, you may lose touch.

[Hellion]

Hi Sam - I agree with Redcrx. Just sit on it for now, if Dave knows the history he knows what he's letting himself in for. She sounds pretty 'available' and that's maybe what he wants right now.
I once told one of my male friends exactly what I really thought of his girlfriend after she cheated on him, they subsequently got back together which made things a bit uncomfortable for a while (until he realised I was right all along and dumped her lol!). But I learned the lesson,- keep your opinions to yourself because you never know when they will come back and bite you on the bum!

[redcrx]

was the 'hmm' because you dont like agreeing with me Octavius lol :)
Have to say i agree with you on the green eyed monster bit

[Hellion]

PS I don't think your being childish - just a concerned friend.

[stylinsam]

this is not jealousy! im not jealous of her going with dave i just dont want her to hurt him!!!!

[larkin]

I would agree with advice so far ,Sam.
Leave it if he is going away very soon.
I am sure that it will probably all fizzle out.
If he is away, surely she will have no reason to get back into the circle of friends ?
If you still feel strongly about it after he has gone, write to him while he's away and put everthing down that you feel. Not only will he welcome your letter but also your honesty as a friend.
xPs Not childish, just concerned I think.

[Octavius]

Oh sorry, I thought Dave was old enough to go to war, not a little boy that needed motherly protection.

[stylinsam]

octavius, its not motherly protection, its called "CONCERNED FRIEND"

[fayelc123]

Hi Sam!

I would agree with others, i don't think you should say anything before he goes. Just incase he doesn't appreciate it & causes arguments with you before he goes away. I'd wait & see how she acts & what happens once he has actually gone. Then if you do feel the need to tell him, as Larkin says, you could write him a nice letter explaining everything.
Do any of your other friends agree with you? Are they likely to say anything to him?

I definately don't think your overeacting though, he's obvioulsy a good friend to you & your just looking out for him! As i would do for any of my friends! xx

[Octavius]

Sam call it what you like, if I was Dave I would either see it as jealousy, an overbearing matriarch or an interfering busybody. I would be thinking, I am a MAN, let me have my little piece of fun.

And as regards writing to him in Iraq about this, I completely DISAGREE. His posting will be tough enough to deal with, let alone the petty whining of someone from home about a girlfriend who he spent a few weeks with before he left.

Let it go, and hope that when he returns he would have forgotten about her, and whilst he is posted, send him letters of support and encouragement, tell him you miss him, but don't pour your heart out about all the other emotional drivel.

[noxlumos]

Hi Sam, sorry but "concerned friends" interfering in other people's private lives IS childish. You need to step back and allow your friend to make his own decisions. People never want to hear what their friends think of their new girl/boyfriend if it's negative, no matter what your motives are, and often "friends" are wrong.
One of my oldest friends STILL doesn't have a good word to say about my wife of 10 years, who I love to distraction and who is the best thing that ever happened to me. Consequently as I don't want to hear his constant nonsense about her, I have distanced myself from him. It'd be a shame if the same thing happened to you with your friend, but I think it's a very probably possibility if you say what you are suggesting, so I'd keep quiet if I were you and respect his right to make his own mistakes.

[stylinsam]

thanks guys x