how to deal with parents attitudes

[joanne westw]

My 16 year old son has been in trouble with the police this week (a minor crime of scratching a street sign for which he received a caution) I have readhim the riot act and we are now moving on. However my elderly parents blame me for his actions (I have raised him alone since he was 18months and his dad left) They have always been this way and always lay the guilt trip on me. Everything is wrong in their eyes and I feel in the middle of everything - not knowing which way to turn. Any ideas?

[oldwoman]

Hello Joanne, at least he`s not done anything worse. Can you say to them.....look Iv`e done a pretty good job here raising him so far under difficult conditions and I could do with some support here not criticism. Do you live with them?

[joanne westw]

Hi thnx for your post. No we dont live together - they live a few streets away. I'll try that but they have a way of not listening when they dont want to. tnx anyway . teenagers and olds - double trouble

[andy-hughes]

Ignore them!

Advice is often only good for those who give it, and at their age, they think they know better. Just smile, grit your teeth, and do what you think is best. He is your son to raise as you see fit, and if they don't like your methods, that's fine.

Remember - opinons are like bottoms, everybody's got one!

[divegirl]

Hi, parents, don't you just love 'em!!! Why don't you point out to them that if they feel you are failing as a parent... maybe it's where you learned your parenting skills from that is the problem!!! Probably not a good idea if you want to remain on speaking terms, but keep that idea in mind next time they lay into you. On a more serious note, if that is all your son has done wrong, I'd sit back and count my blessings. It sounds like you dealt with the situation well. So pat yourself on the back, smile sweetly at Mummy and Daddy dearest and say ''thank you for your opinion it means alot to me that you care so much'' and walk away....and yes this is from personal experience!! You are doing one of the hardest jobs in the world, don't let anybody undermine your confidence!

Good luck

Lisa x

[bobbikay]

i'm seventeen, and i've been in trouble with the law, and i don't think i know many teens who haven't been! it's not your fault. i love my mom to death and she's raised me well, but we do this kind of stuff out of curiosity, and for cheap thrills. it's not your fault!

[joanne westw]

Thnx for your wisdom.
Have patched things up now. Guess the best thing is to smile sweetly and get on with life.

[1955]

If you know they will disapprove don't tell them any of the 'bad stuff'!

[dickoh]

Hi,

How are you? I Must congratulate you for being a heroine to hold stronger the controllerover your loving son.

Problem/Conflic resolution infamilies must never be acompanied with blames but spiced with dialogue.

The dad left probably with his own reasons, you as a result got hold of the "plough" without facing back and made sure that the journey from 8months to 16 years is successful Thank you. I believe that your intervention with a fragile truce to read to your son the riot act plaid a grand role and I believe your son deserves endless pieces of advice.
Moreover be very prayerful as with prayers, nothing is uncontrolable underneath the milky way
Fully take control and be very firm as a successful mother.

[divegirl]

?

[joko]

double ??

[WendyS]

Why not suggest to your parents that you son goes to live with them for a few weeks on the basis that it would clear the air between your and your son and give you a breathing space. It sounds as if he could do this and still travel conveniently to school.
Then your parents might have a better insight on what it's like to cope with a 16 year old teenager and your son might also go through a reflective period too, especially if your parents give him a tougher time than you do.