Worried by phone call received by daughter

[HJT40]

My daughters phone rang last night as we were about to sit down for dinner. She is 12. She looked visible upset when she looked at the display to the point of nearly bursting in to tears, the call lasted about 10 seconds and she seemed to have some limited conversation with who ever it was. I knew something was wrong and asked to look at her phone, the number began 0166 - i think, as she then snuck the phone up to the bathroom and deleted just this number. I had noted that it was the second time they had called her. I asked her about it and she looked me in the eyes and lied to me at least 6 times about who it was and what they wanted. This is the first time she has ever done this.I don't know what to believe, I don't know how worried I should be about who is calling her, is it someone she has met on MSN? I feel numb, maybe I am over reacting? I have banned her from the computer and I have her phone with me, incase...anyone with a sense of perspective about it?

[andy-hughes]

Your daughter is reaching the age where she is finding her way in terms of her friends, her relationships, and generally developing her sense of self.

As a parent, this is a scary time - on the one hand she wants to be a young woman, on the other, she is still a child.

The way to handle this is to get her on your side. I'm not suggesting you try and be her friend - that's not your role. What you need to do is constantly reassure her that she is loved and valued by you and her family. Add to that - tell her as often as is practical that you are there to help and guide her, and she can tell you anything without judgement or recrimination. She may well not tell you very much, but you have to make yourself available at all times, and re-enforce that message often.

A lot of the kost trivial arguments are blwon into WW3 by adolescents, so her reaction may not be in proportion to what has actually happened.

Remind her of the dangers out there - and that your only motive is keeping her safe and happy - and then hope that she is listening to you.

It's a tortuous time for adolescents and parents, but id doesn;t last for ever - I have three girls, the youngest is seventeen, so I do know how you feel!

It gets better - promise.

[ganesh]

When my daughter was 12 we got her her first mobile and she told everyone her number. The next day she started getting prank calls,some really nasty,some disgusting.
When she started going on msn I caught quite a few nasty messages when I occasionally went in her room.The world is full of horrible people especially teenagers which will no doubt upset yoyr daughter. Hopefully she won't become one of them. Punishing her is not the answer-it will just alienate her.Warn her of all the dangers and tell her she can count on you for help,love and support and maybe she will confide in you.Good luck!

[spudqueen]

If it is still the last number that called her phone could you not dial 1471 and at least get the phone number? Good luck.

[HJT40]

Spudqueen you are amazing! It was and I have done it and written it down in case.......The phone has not rung again and it may well be that it will be the last we have heard, but thank you for pointing out what was staring me in the face, and I could not see - your good deed for the day has been done.

We spent the evening together, no computer or phones and just cuddled up and had quality time. I suppose some good does come out of bad stuff and make you realise what you have!

[Phantaxus]

Now you have the number can you call bar it? ring your mobile phone provider.

this might be useful http://www.davros.org/phones/cgsets/set0166.ht ml

there is also the police.

[curiosity]

Andy Hughes as usual Here here! HJT40 you're abviously a good mum to be on the ball. I really don't want to worry you but I just thought that although we all know the dangers out there, we kind of tend to think we are worrying unecessarily and it won't happen to us. But I know someone whose daughter got talking to a "14yr old" on a chat forum exchanged mobile phone numbers, this led to phone calls and texts all aimed at boosting the girls self esteem and basically grooming her. He ended up being a 30 year old from another town who did come to meet up with her. Fortunately she was OK and unharmed physically but even though she didn't like the situation she had found herself in, felt too ashamed to share it, she still kept all this secret and her mum found out by accident. Again just a note, don't mean to panic you.

[sasserina]

0116 is a leicester code...just in case you were wondering...x

[FlowerPetal]

HJT40
Just another suggestion, you are able to get a call list from her mobile phone company if you register it online. T-Mobile, 3, and even Easy mobile all have facilities to open up a call list online - which in some respect is invading her privacy BUT if you are SERIOUSLY worried about this call, register on the internet with her number and a password and you can then keep track of her calls. Sadly, this wont tell you how many times she has been phoned by this number, but it will tell you how many times she may have phoned it back.
Sorry if this sounds really intrusive but it may be necessary.

Good luck xxx

[angleafr]

I am a Youth Strategy Worker in a secondary school and the cases of bullying via MSN are really getting out of control.. Mobile and MSN bullying are something that most parents struggle to get thier heads around as it dodn't exist in our day (I am only 30 btw!). You need to remind your daughter constantly not to get carried away when talking on MSN. Sooooo many girls I see let out all thier secrets to friends over MSN just to find out that there were other people in the room or that the friend has saved the conversation and uses it against them when they have a fall out. Never trust when you can't see who it is, never say anythign that you wouldn;t say face to face and never to ANYTHING or show anything (!) that you would be ashamed to in real life. As much as you will be trying to protect her, in current times these are the rules that she will have to learn to keep herself safe by, Don't be frightened to randomly check her phone for worrying texts but if you are not telling her that you are doing it then you have to be prepared to overlook sweary words and things that might be distasteful to you and just look out for suspicious and concerning texts. Good Luck - you are entering the minefield of the teen age!