confused

[sophie_1003]

heres the situation: me (19yrs) n my boyfriend (20 yrs) have been together for four years, last night he told me hes having doubts about our relationship because it's got too routine (because of work, college etc we only really get to see each other thurs and sundays so every week we pretty much do the same stuff). We've decided to have a sort-of break, basically not seein each other again till next thurs (still talking on phone n textin a bit). He said he's going to have a proper think about what he wants and will hopefully know by Thursday. My question is-- if on thurs he still doesnt know what he wants, what should I do? I love him so much and really dont wanna be apart from him but should i give him an ultimatum if he seems to be messin me about or just give him more time to think?

[Miss-read]

He is going to have "a proper think" about what he wants! Thats good of him!

Sophie, you are so young. Try and get together with some girlfriends this weekend and have a night out.

[Hans_Olo]

Change it then - stop the routine - if you dont it will end. What do you want to do? What does he want? Does he want you? Or is it just he doesn't want a routine relationship? You do need to think about your needs and what you want dnt let him run the ship!

[lizzydrippin]

Sophie, if you really do love this guy then try very hard not to phone or text him between now and thursday. If he phones or texts you then fine just keep it short and friendly and dont ask him any questions about how he's feeling or what he's thinking. Whether you do go out with some friends or not let him think youve been enjoying your time apart (not to make him jealous or anything like that but just to let him know that you'd be fine without him.) Believe me if you dont come across as needy and desperate to hold on to him then he'll be at your feet begging forgiveness for his doubts.You might even have second thoughts about him.
When someone's feeling the way he is at the moment then the last thing to do would be to start putting any pressure on. As hard as it may be for you not to.

[bloaterbum]

Well done lizzie Iagree let him sort his head out and if he can,t then let him go .
I am sick and tired of seeing young folk waste time over unrequited love.For goodness sake go out and enjoy yourself .I have been there and I am telling you don't waste time on sh11t .Easier said than done Iknow!!!!!!!!!!!

[sophie_1003]

I would love to have a girls night out and it would make me feel loads better but basically all my friends have gone off to uni which is sh1t!! I'm goin out tonight but just to the cinema and as i said cos of work basically all my other nights are tied up, mite give an old freind a text see if she wants to go for a quick drink! I know I'm young but after four years together this isnt just some young throwaway romance! also, Hans_Olo...I dont know what he wants, he doesnt know what he wants...we did have a huge long talk about everything but i dont think its an issue that can be resolved just like that! I want him cos I love him like u wouldnt believe and we are great together so on my part its easy what i want i think hes just a bit confused at the mo.

[merdok]

Well I've been in a similar situation with my girlfriend on both sides of the fence.

Basically about 3 years ago I fell into a very deep depression and basically didnt do anything which involved leaving my bed for about a year and a half until I she eventually managed to get me to get a job... now I'm fine and she really pulled me through, but she told me that she kept having to tell herself that she loved me and that the situation wasnt forever.

Similarly this last year she has changed quite considerably from the fun-loving girl I met into a -still fun- but now quite conservative person, now instead of laughing at me when I kid around she tells me I'm not funny, she has stopped taking my feelings into consideration and is more-or-less out for herself.

The thing is, I know why she does this (pressure from her final year of a teaching course - she's in a secondary school every day) and I know that before long she will (hopefully) change back to the girl I love, I've tried to make her feel better about herself (took her to manchester for her birthday and spent �700 on a posh hotel/resteraunt/theatre tickets/shopping trip) so she'd realise that she was loved... it worked! for about two weeks then she fell back again.

I snapped out of it with her help and I'm sure she will with mine... the thing is, regardless of age or the amount of time you've been together, a relationship is a two way street and sometimes its possible for one or both partners to forget this, you need to ask yourself if he is taking your feelings into consideration by doing this, and then take a good long look at yourself and ask if you are taking his into consideration.

If you are stuck in a routine then change it, if you cant then tell him that it wont always be this way and ask him to stay... try to make the times you do spend together more enjoyable.

[sophie_1003]

thanks merdok....good to hear about someone elses similar situation, i am going to try as much as possible to keep him but i think it all depends on what hes decided on thursday! and thanks all....will let u know how it goes on thurs!