residency orders

[edelooze]

4 years ago i had my daughter i was 16 and felt i couldnt cope so my brother offered to have her so it went court and he gained a residency order i now wish to have this discharged as i want her back full time i have seen her every 2 weeks as this was decided in court what needs to be done and am i doing the right thing also my brother has stopped the contact as he said my little girl is getting too upset when i drop her off and she is saying she wants to live with me what do i do now!

[chicklin]

I think hard as it is, you need to put what is right for your little girl first, not what you want. If she has been with your brother and his family for the first four years of her life, that's where she will feel she belongs. You might have given birth to her, but your brother is the one who has brought her up. You say she says she wants to live with you now - how can such a young child know what that really means? Are you sure you didn't encourage that thought? Surely you could have kept up your fortnightly visits without revealing your true relationship to her? It sounds as if you have been unsettling her and this is why your brother has stopped the contact.
Are you in a position to have her with you? Can you provide a stable and loving environment for her to grow up in? Could you honestly cope with a child when you have had no experience up till now of all that this entails?
Have you thought how your brother and his family will feel losing her after four years?
I'm pretty sure this won't be what you wanted to hear but you should think long and hard before you disrupt this childs life. I know children can be resilient but stability is so important. I'm speaking as someone who had none when I was a child and I'm still dealing with some of the issues arising from that.

[edelooze]

chicklin thanks for your respnse i had my daughter for the 1st 2 years of her life so she is fully aware whom i am as she lived with me for 2 years she is 7 now and shes saying that she wants live with me

[helliebobs]

I thought you said you had your daughter 4 years ago? But she's 7?

[chicklin]

I'm confused now too. In the light of what you now say, my previous answer may not apply. However, you still have to do what's best for the child - not yourself.

[edelooze]

sorry i have not made it clear i gave my daughter to my brother 4 years ago i had her when i was 16 and felt when she was 2 and half i couldnt cope so thats why she is with my brother sorry for confusing you can you still offer me advice

[chicklin]

Did you do it on the understanding with your brother that it was only going to be a temporary thing ? (her staying with him). If so then I think it was wrong of him to stop contact between you. However, having said that I don't know the reason behind his decision.
Some of the things from my previous post are still relevant here - Are you now in a position to give her a loving and stable home? Are you as sure as you can be that you will be able to cope this time? Will your brother still be able to see her regularly? (To ensure some continuity and stability in her life,)
I don't know but if you go back to the courts to have this residency order discharged will your situation be assessed prior to a decision being made? If so then I'm sure that what is best for your daughters future happiness will be everyones priority. (Yours too I'm sure)

[edelooze]

chicklin thanks for your answer it was only temporary and im going to court as he stopped me seeing her when i should i would never stop my brother seeing her as he has been a huge part in her life i would never do that to hurt her or him my situation has changed as when i had her i was 16 im now 24 married and have a lovely house she loves it here so i know im doing the right thing!!! once again thanks

[angleafr]

Hi - I only know the Scottish system so not sure how relevant it is to you but what I can say is that in Scotland you would have to wait till the yearly review meeting (or six monthly) and then contect the residency order. It would then take up to a year for you to be assessed by Social Services to see if your home is the best place for your daughter to be, this may include increasing contact with your daugther in a controlled way. It sounds like your brother is upset at the thought of losing her (understandable) but he is not helping his situation by disallowing contact. Try your very hardest not to let things become acrimonious between you as this will cause EVERYONE heartache and draw out the whole procedure. Why don't you offer to have him along for a while when you have contact or see her more often in his home to reassure him that you are not unsettling her. This may be difficult but you will have to keep relations on an even keel if you want to have the best outcome for your daughter. Good luck!

[chitchat]

Sorry but I think you dont want advice here. You just want everyone to confirm that want you are going to do - by that I mean going back to court over this - is the right thing. I dont know your full circumstances but I think you need to put your daughters welfare before your own needs. If she is happy and well cared for perhaps you should leave her be until she is at an age where she can make a proper decision and not one based on want you to hear from her. It would be cruel to take her away from your brother. Imagine what they must be feeling over this - sick with worry.

[edelooze]

angleafr- thanks for your advice - will take note

[edelooze]

chitchat- no luv wanted advice