Dont know what to do

[support4]

Hi, Never used this before but done so in desperation. Been with my BF for 2.5 years and have for the past few nights been staying at my mums partly to babysit while shes away and partly to get space away from BF. He has always had things done for him at home and moved into my house about 4 months ago. I am tired of telling him what to do although I realise he has never had to think about the mundane day to day rituals looking out for someone else. He can go for a day without a shower, harldy ever shaves, and I feel like anything I ask is an effort. To get things done or offers of help I have to be upset or angry. We have had several long chats over the years and each time he says he will change, and in certain whys he has on a small scale. Yesterday I fully intended to ask him to move out, he broke down, begged me not to said he would give up evrything football golf etc. which I have never asked him to and now Im sat here doubting.

[sam100]

Hi, Welcome to AB!!

I live with one of these types myself so know how frustrating it is....!!!
I think you have done the right thing by mentioning it to him. At the end of the day if two people live together it is up to both of them to pull their weight around the house as your not a hotel!

As for the personal hygiene thing thats more a relationship issue i would say....?

I think you need a to give him the benefit of the doubt for a week or two now that you have mentioned it and then see if there is an improvement...if not i would consider whether your living arrangements with him are the right way forward as if this is what it is like now during the 'honeymoon' period think what it will be like a year down the line!!!!

To me it sounds like your not a 100% sure about this guy????

[JackDanielsU]

Welcome to AB

Well when you go back home, heres hoping your place is spick and span

Its a bit daft of him saying hes going to give everything up...he has to realise that he does need to change though.

I can see it going two ways...

1) It will be great from now on, and you'll discover why you two got together in the first place etc

2) It will be okay for a few weeks, and then he will slip back into old habits

So heres hoping for 1)

If 2) happens.....kick him out..no more chances.

Best of Luck

[jno]

people seldom change unless they have a real incentive. If he thinks you're going to dump him, he might. If he thinks you don't mean it, he probably won't. Up to you to decide whether you do mean it; if you don't, be prepared for things to go on for ever as they are now. You don't sound very happy with that.

[Pea Pod]

Have you really missed him whilst you`ve been at your mothers. If you are sick of him after 4 months think of the years ahead. He is bound to weep and wail on,he is going to have to find somewhere else to live. If in doubt chuck him out.

[merdok]

Ok, I am this guy, I do exactly the same thing, i'm lazy and i'm bone idle but I love my girlfriend very much and WANT to help her, but the problem is that all my life my parents pampered me like mad, I never had to lift a finger, when I lived on my own my house would descent into a state of squalor over the course of about 3 weeks before I would think about cleaning it up.

Its now 4 years later and I've lived with my girlfriend for two years, I'm still messy but i'm not as bad... I help out if she asks and occasionally when she's out I'll Blitz the house so it is spick and span but if she doesnt ask then the chances are I'll not even notice that its being done.

If he helps you when you ask him then I'd let him be and realise that some people just are not wired to think like that... of course I work from home so if I'm not cleaning then I AM working my arse off on other things, if he's out playing with his mates whilst your slogging away then thats a bit unfair.

but just try asking him to help you and see what he says, if he says he will help when you he gets home then DONT clean up whilst he''s out (as I know you do as thats what my girlfriend always does) just leave it... when he gets in wait till he's sat down and got comfy and ask again... if he still puts its off then... well... you've seen Chigago ( or you can just kick him out)

[support4]

In answer to sam 100 - no im not 100% i've had so many "little chats" Im sick to death of them

Peapod - no I havent missed him, I havent had time to!

merdok - Its very useful to get a guys opinion esp. when he is similar (ur words not mine!!)

The BF wants me to wait until we have been on holiday in March if he hasnt changed he'll leave no questions. The holiday is a big factor here as well - its for a wedding - he is best man & Im bridesmaid. He is staying at his mothers now, I know he genuinely loves me and has unfortunately never had to think for himself, whereas I come from a single parent family where you have to find out and get on with things under your own steam a lot of the time.

[Dolly1308]

He's using you ,kick him out now don't wait till March .