am i being unreasonable?

[sophie_1003]

my boyfriend recently admitted hed had a brief crush on this girl he hangs round with from his college course as part of a group with some of the other people from his course. Today he went shoppin with her and her friend (another girl, but a lesbian so dont have to worry bout her!) I hadn't said anything about him not hanging round with her with other people but when I found out about it (my friend saw him) I felt really uncomfortable and annoyed about it, am I being unreasonable as he was friends with her before this crush thing developed (which by the way he now insists he has got over) or should I ask him to stop hanging round with her full stop?

[B00]

You can't pick and choose your partners friends for him!!!

He admitted the crush to you, so he's obviously not hiding anything. Let the poor guy be for heavens sake.

Without trusting him, I'm afraid I wouldn't hold out much hope for your relationship anyway.

[sophie_1003]

I do trust him I just know if it was the other way round he'd go mad at me...I think its knowing that is whats annoying me more because it's complete double standards, I'm going to talk to him later anyway because I really need reassurance off him when I start feeling like I have been today and I don't think he really gets that! Thanks for ur answer anyway!

[ll_billym]

My advice, after your last post is not to start an argument about something that hasn't happened, i.e "if it was the other way round..." it isn't the other way round.

I think the core of the matter is why he told you that he used to have a crush on her in the first place. The only effect that can have is to make you jealous as it has done. That is what you need to talk about.

Everyone has has crushes on lots of people but it isn't really the dont thing to tell your current partner about them.

[##Wardy##]

My question is why is a (presumably) young man wanting to go shopping with two females? It is hardly a mans thing to do is it?

I should worry more about him batting for the side than his historic crush on some bird.

Apart from girlfriends and family I can truly say I have never been shopping with another female in my life.

However, from a male point of view I would still say he fancies her. You can fall out of love with someone, but once you fancy somebody, you always will. It is like your favourite food, you will always like it. Or a colour.

Tell him it is making you feel insecure and threatened and you would prefer him to stop "shopping" with her. If he says no, like it or dump him.

[coco clown]

he wants to have sex with her in a very big way. he wont tell you this because he is hoping that in the end he can chip away at your moral and eventually you will have a threesome with him and her and he can fullfill he desired fantasy with you both!!

so dont put out and when you see him next just ask him if he would like you to screw her?? and then put it on youtube!

[andy-hughes]

Leaving aside the less-than-helpful responses, I have had crushes on people for as long as I have known what a crush was, and still do!

I just don't tell my wife about them!

Why would I? They are harmless, the mean nothing, they are an ingrained part of my psyche, and I enjoy them. To tell her would provide nothing in our relationship except the utterly unfounded sense of unease and mistrust which you are now feeling.

I think your boyfriend should not be quite so keen to share his every thought and feeling - especially if the result is of no positive value to you, or your relationship -in fact quite the opposite.

Don't worry about it, but encourage him to keep his crushes away from you - it is disrespectful.

[sophie_1003]

I think the reason he told me on this occasion was because it caused him to doubt our relationship and we had a week long "break", it was when we met up again after this break that he told me about it. I'm glad that he did because I was going to ask him anyway if it had anything to do with another girl so I'm glad he was just honest with me on what it was that caused him doubts.