shouldn't care...but I do

[divegirl]

I posted a Q Society and Culture about the suspected death of my step father...bit bizarre I know.... The thing is I haven't spoken to my mum for 4 years and on monday my son got a birthday card signed just from her [not him as usual]....this leads me to 2 conclusions....a] he's left her b] he's died. I think b is the more probable answer as they are on their 70's....My problem is......Why am I so blOOdy upset... I can't find out either way....but I can't stop crying. On top of that my daughter heard me discussing this with my dad and now she is upset as well. Sorry, have never posted something this personal before, but I don't know what to do

Lisa x

[rugeleyboy]

cant you be the first to get in touch with her and build a bridge..............its not an immpossible thing to do and all it takes is a call and a "hello"?

lifes to short!

[divegirl]

I know that, but she has been hellish in the past....to top it all it's just her style not to tell me that my step-father has died...just to spite me and my kids..... just wish I knew one way or the other.

[NiceHobbit]

Are there any other relatives who would know that you could try and find out from?
Failing that, I don't know what exactly happened between you and your mum but is there really no way you could ask her? If you don't, I can sort of understand - once I wasn't even sure if my step-grandad was alive or dead because Dad always used to talk about "going to Lynn's mum's" rather than to see her parents, and various other things along those lines. In the end he just mentioned something casually and I realised he was alive after all, but I did feel awkward asking. It was feasible that Dad would fail to mention it (there's history of that sort of thing). But this is about you, not me, so I'll end this by saying it's understandable that you're upset.

[raysparx1]

divegirl,

If it concerns you, put you pride to one side and contact your mum there is a saying in welsh " D^wr gan Y Bont" sounds better in welsh than English, water under the bridge, contact her now and forget the past, I know sometimes that is easier said than done,if it doesn't work,it doesn't work but at least you will have tried, Ray

Ps As ruge says life is to short.

[divegirl]

Thank you so much for your replies, I have tried phoning every one I can think of but nobody has spoken to her....she upset alot of people, not just me. I have also written to her, but I won't be holding my breath for a reply. Her husband was/is a lovely man and if anything has happened to him, it just upsets me that she wouldn't allow me and my brother to pay our last respects. On the subject of life being too short.... maybe I'll have to follow my dads advice, that is...if he has died there is nothing I can do about it now....just move on.
Thank you so much for taking time to answer.

Lisa x

[raysparx1]

What your dad says is so true, once somebody has gone,nothing you can do,if she has upset a lot of people she will end up very sad and very lonely.Ray

[warpig1]

Lisa, you must be strong, just pick up the phone and call her, at least that way you will know, try and put all the other issues to the back of your mind, if he has passed away she is probably in a world of sh!t herself. Be the bigger person.

[warpig1]

Lisa, when I said 'be the bigger person' that was not intended as any sort of an insult, which it may have read as, basically was just trying to say 'go for it'.

Take care

warpig1

[divegirl]

Once again thank you all....would love to be the better person in all this, but today my mother excelled herself yet again.... She refused to send my son a present for his birthday on Monday, but today my daughters [always her favourite] Christmas present arrived!!! I'm just going to keep my head down for now as I can't trust myself to speak to her....

Lisa x

[raysparx1]

Hi Lisa, If she has only sent one present and you have more than one child I would send it back and tell her not to bother in the future,that is totally and utterly out of order, and I would be as p1ssed off as you are, Ray

[WendyS]

As you obviously know where they lived why don't you contact their local council and see if his name has been removed from the Electoral Roll? If it's a very recent death it may not have been activated yet, but it's worth a try. Also, check Director Enquiries and see if the telephone has been relisted in your mother's name instead of your stepfather's.
Or do you know his place of work, if he's not retired. You could phone up there and ask to speak to him. The response may give you a clue as to whether he's still alive.

[divegirl]

Hi Ray, my thought's exactly.... and I have today with the help of another helpful AB'er [cheers Chris...xxx] checked all of the local GRO's and my step-father's death has not been registered locally....it could be that he died away from home....or saw sense and has left her!

Lisa x