I need advice

[hoosierladyu]

I am living with a man who has 2 children ages 6 (boy)and 8(girl). The 6 yo is ADHD and his therapist told his father not to let him play the Xbox more than an hour a day. His father lets him play it all day most times. The 8 yo acts like a little baby. She throws temper tantrums when she can't have or do what she wants. She is very disrespectful towards me and her father. She always has to have the last word. She is very messy and when told to do something, she starts whining. When I first came into their home, the children were out of control. I blame this on the father. Now that I am here, they have improved considerably. I have 4 grown children of my own and I don't remember my children acting or behaving the way these 2 do. They both are very picky eaters. I try and cook nutritional meals for them, but when they say they don't like this or that, their father says, he doesn't either. All they want is, sandwiches, hotdogs, pizza and sweets. I am really getting frustrated and don't know how much more I can take. Anytime I say to the father, he needs to discipline the children, he tells me to do it. he would rather sit and holler. I'm afraid the kids are going to resent me if I have to be the one always disciplining them. I have used a book the therapist at the kids school gave me, called "123." It does not seem to work on these children. I feel that they are set in their ways and no amount of anything is going to change them. PLEASE, I need help!!!!

[bex401]

Get out of there quick,if their own father cannot be bothered with them,it should'nt be your responsibility.In the end it will drag you down & you'll end up resenting them all.
You've brought your kids up & done a good job,you should'nt have start again with kids that are not yours.Tell Dad to get off his arse or you're gone,do'nt end up a doormat!!

[B00]

Oh you poor thing!!! Sounds like a ruddy nightmare for you!!!

I'd be tempted to sit the dad down and fully explain how you feel, even show him this post??? And tell him that unless he helps you discipline HIS children you'll have no choice but to walk away from them all (hopefully, it wont get to that, the threat alone should work).

I don't understand why if a therapist stated only an hour's worth of XBox per day his dad allows him on it all the time? Is it simpler to leave them to their own devices than to spend time with them for him do you think?

Actually- thinking about it, that's probably 99% of the problem.....dad would rather be doing anything else than spending time with the kids, they sense this and play up.

[B00]

PS

You didn't mention their natural mum? Is she still around? If so- could you ask her how they behave with/around her?

[WendyS]

I'm not sure you need help. I think you need a new partner who doesn't take you forgranted, who respects you and who doesn't undermine you. It sounds to me as if he's perfectly content to have an housekeeper who looks after him and his children and generally allows herself to be treated as a total dormat.
If you can't face having a complete showdown with your partner about getting the rules changed and getting him to give 100% support as far as discipling the children are concerned, maybe it's time to move on. You've obviously brought up your own children well. I don't see why you are wasting the rest of your life on somebody who obviously doesn't appreciate you.