To Please or Not?

[daisy48]

As I posted earlier, my daughter is getting married next May. Her fiance loves her to bits,has a good job,good manner's when meeting family member's etc. The problem is my Inlaw's Because my future son in law has pierced ear's,a small ring in one and a small stud in the other ear my FIL+ MIL say they wont attend the wedding unless R takes the piercing's out. Naturally my daughter is upset and standing by R and so are we. Does it really matter what people wear? Surely my inlaw's should be happy for the couple? Any comment's welcome.

[raysparx1]

If they are that shallow,then I wouldn't want them there it should not matter what people wear,the fact that they are there should be enough,it is as you say the bride & grooms day,and these people should not be able to spoil it.

[bertie21]

Hello Daisy, congratulations on your daughters forthcoming marriage. How very small minded and mean of your inlaws, in this day and age of such terrible troubles around the world good news such as this should be celebrated. They should focus on the love your daughter has found and join in to make her day one to remember - for the right reasons ! Good luck to you all.

[enigma]

I'm a bit stunned by that to be honest as it really isn't any of their concern what your future son-in-law chooses to wear to his own wedding. If your daughter is happy for him to keep his piercings in , then it really is no concern of anyone else. They may not approve but they should keep their opinions to themselves or not bother to attend - as is their prerogitive to do so. The most important people on this big day are your daughter and her fiance and anyone with any love and respect for them would do all that they could to ensure that they had a wonderful day. If they are incapable of doing so , then it is probably for the best if they do not attend as any ill feeling would only upset them on their special day. It does seem like such an overreaction though. What a fuss over two little earrings ! If it was me , I would issue an ultimatum to my inlaws. Put a smile on your face and accept things the way they are or don't bother attending. When you get into the realms of trying to please everyone , it spells disaster - trust me , i've been there. You can't please everyone , it's impossible so they should focus on what makes them happy.

Perhaps you could lay on the guilt trip and tell them how miserable they would make your daughter feel by not attending and how it would spoil her day after she had shelled out so much money and put in such effort making it special - although I would make a point of letting them no that if her fiance wishes to keep his piercings in then so be it.

[warpig1]

Yes your inlaws should be happy for them but sadly there is nothing you can really do to change their mind. They are being blinded by their own unfounded opinions and will therefore miss a fantastic day, this is no ones fault but their own and they may well regret it one day. Also it is not up to them to dictate how they would like him to appear, surely if it is good enough for their grand daughter then it should be good enough for them. They are being very foolish. Put it behind you and go ahead organising the best day of your daughters life, they may well come round as the wedding approaches, hopefully, for their sake. Also do they realise that they are upsetting your daughter by making this demand?

[enigma]

*Know* , not no. Oops !

[laurence2]

What else would they like the son-in-law to do,

1. Colour his hair to their liking

2. Choose His wedding ring

3. Change his name

etc etc

They are extremely narrow minded, they ought to remember, they are being ''invited'' , their not being asked to give an opinion, i can't believe thats the excuse their giving, would the truth be, that they don't like him and therefore are making up an excuse, stick by your guns, they are bang out of order

[joko]

i suggest your daughter send them a letter explaining the situation, saying that they are welcome to attend HER wedding, but that it will go according to HER plans, not theirs, and if they don't like it then they must feel free to decline the INVITATION.

as has been said, they are guests, nothing more, they have no rights to make any kind of demands whatsoever.

also mention that if a piece of jewellery that is being worn by an adult who is entitled to do so, if more important than their granddaughters big day, then they are not the loving grandpaarents she thought they were and they are not welcome anyway.

i am gobsmacked at the cheek of these people, that they think its their place to make these petty and pointless demands! who the hell do they think they are.

[noxlumos]

You are completely correct Daisy, these people are petty miseries and it's a shame they are trying to spoil what should be a wonderful happy day. If I were you , I'd not buy into their little control drama, simply tell them they are welcome to attend but they are not in a position to dictate anyone else's appearance, especially on their wedding day. Most dramatics cease if you don't buy into them , so I'd imagine they'll end up attending, if not no harm done I'd say.

[joby1]

Just say "fine, dont come then".
small minded people....jeezz!!

[daisy48]

Many thank's for your reply's all. I actually told my MIL in the nicest way that they should both be happy for their only grand daughter and it's enough that the couple love each other but she tossed it aside by "they" did'nt like or respect our future SIL just because he wont bow to them and remove his piercing's on the big day! Although my hubby agree's with me he's reluctant to stand up to his parent's as they're both in their late 70's and he does'nt want them upset but so is his daughter.! My FIL has alway's been very domineering even to the point of driving friends away. My girl wont say anything to her G/Parent's as she knows she'll end up in tears. Yes Ray,they are very shallow people,they dont see the person underneath just the piercings. They're saying they'll be shown up in front of various relatives for God's sake! Im starting to think it best of they keep away for my daughter and R's sake's.

[joby1]

can you arrange a meal first, dont tell the gruesome twosome that grand son in law will be there? Maybe they can converse before they realise who's who!! Maybe change opinion! Just a thought.
Failing that, back to my original sugg. x

[raysparx1]

Daisy, this is your daughters day as you know,this will be one of your proudest moments and it should be one of the grandparents proudest moments, to see a beautiful grandaughter getting married, I feel very sorry for them,they will be the ones missing out, hope all goes well for you and they come to there senses,

[daisy48]

Thanks again both, Thing is joko,R has been to the inlaws home many time's as he and my daughter lived together for 4 years as a trial marriage and during that time R has done little jobs for my inlaw's around their home when my hubby was'nt able to so it's not like they dont know him. i think I'll suggest to them to put on the invitation "You're welcome to attend our wedding as long as you keep your gob's closed" lol. God know's how they'll react when they see friends etc with piercings! Thanks again both x

[maggie01]

Sorry to hear about your problems daisy. The piercings are part of your future son in law. I am sure when push comes to shove and the day draws closer, your inlaws won't miss it for the world.

[daisy48]

Thanks maggie, Everything was going so well until my inlaw's upset the applecart. My daughter obviously wants her g/parent's at the wedding but not if they keep insisting that the piercing's be removed. Maybe my inlaws will come around but I doubt it as they're very stubborn people and so shallow. Still, I wont let it spoil the couple's big day:-). x

[raysparx1]

Tell them both to get there noses pierced, they won't feel left out then !!!

[jno]

it's up to them whether they accept the invitation or not; trying to issue an ultimatum to the groom is bizarre but it's neither here nor there, really. If they don't go, I would say it's their loss, but they have to be the best judges of that: if they would be more offended by a piercing than happy for the bride, then they're doing the right thing in staying home and harrumphing. The important thing is that the couple, and you, shouldn't get upset about it. Other people have to live their own lives, however odd their choices may seem. Enjoy the day, and drink a toast to absent friends whether they like it or not.

[daisy48]

Hiya both, I had a chat last night with my daughter and told her about all the feedback I've had from all of you and we now see it's right,we cant please everyone so if my inlaw's choose to miss their grandaughter's wedding then it's their loss. I won't let them spoil the couple's day over 2 piercing's. Ray, my daughter had her nosed pierced about 5 years ago,only a tiny stud now long gone. Needless to say,the inlaw's were mortified and my FIL told her "Prostitutes in India wear nose rings and studs as a sign of their proffesion" He's very much a "Days of the Raj" bloke. As calmly as I could, I told him "But we're not living in India". Did'nt do any good tho'. Just no pleasing him or my MIL and jno you're spot on! He actually "Haruumph's":-)