breaking up for xmas

[tomtech]

has anyone broken up for xmas yet? no i dont mean work, i mean with your partner. my girlfriend of eleven years told me that she wants to finish. her excuse, she wants to go out and have a good time with her friends. midlife crisis springs to mind. this is just what i need at this time of year. we had a holiday booked abroad over new year. ive had to cancel this and booked to go to lanzarote with two mates instead. i lost my sister in september and didnt feel on top of the world anyway. i feel like ive been kicked while im down. i stuck with this girl through thick and thin and we always pulled thru. i am totally gutted and feel a bit lost, but i know this will pass in time.anyone else in a similar situation?

[curlyperm]

Firstly i'm very sorry to hear of your situation tom, i am not in a similar one, so my advice is probably not much use but hey? a problem shared, i know there are far more 'qualified' people on here that seem to know all the right things to say in situations like this, me, i'm a bit of a joker, but i have been through situations like this, just not at this moment. However, 11 years is a long time to 'suddenly' want out, do you think its been brewing for a while but you have chosen not to read the signs (its not a criticism) i take it you dont live together, and if there is no-one else on the scene would it harm you to just give her that bit of freedom? Maybe you were her first serious boyfriend and she feels that she has missed out and life is passing her by? God knows i feel that at least 3 times a week, but everyone handles it differently, the chances are if you go away with your mates, (maybe take another girl out - doesnt have to be serious) she may be one of those who doesnt know what she's got till its gone?
Losing your sister mustve been tough, maybe she couldnt cope with your grief? some people cant.
Dont get bitter and twisted about who stuck by who though cos its not a competition, and feelings of anger turn into bitterness, and the whole thing will blow up out of all preportion.
Take a step back ok? bad time of year but you'll get over, focus on yourself for a while, and do your greiving properly.
Sorry if its not exactly what you want to hear, but i really do think you will be fine, it may be that time away from your g/f makes you realise that going out having a good time is just what YOU want too!! ; ) good luck and all the best for xmas and new year

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, nope. I am unfortunate(fortunate) not to have anyone to break up with. She surely must have a better reason than that for breaking up with you. If she hasnt, then she already has another guy and thats the excuse she is using. Forget about all the things you had planned and just try to move on. You will only get more and more wound up the more you think of stuff. Good luck...

[tomtech]

thanks curlyperm, i know deep inside that after a while the feelings of hurt will pass. and i probably will be better off on my own once i find my feet. but i could have done without this right now. thanks for being sensitive.

[curlyperm]

No problem (incidentally i dont think theres anyone else i do get the impression that it really is just a bit of space thats required?) let us know how it goes

[tomtech]

yeh thanks mr ben. i know its a pathetic excuse and you have to fear the worst. the more you try to work it out the more you wind yourself up to the point of headaches and that awful sick feeling. anyway, im not going to hang myself yet, well at least not until after my holiday. thanks again.

[MrBen5]

The best thing to do mate is try to get away from everyone. There is nothing more annoying than people ringing you up and asking you how you are. If you can, go stay with a mate you havent seen for a while. It will help a lot and give you time to clear your head and make some decisions...

[ummmm]

Bloody s h i t timing I think

[China Doll]

Hi Tom,

I broke up with someone I'd been living with for a while last November so just in time for christmas. I spent the next few months in something of a daze and to be honest with you was also quite frightend for a little while there.

Anyway, all I can say is that the one thought that kept me sane was 'this time next year, I will not feel this bad' and it was true. I don't and didn't. In fact I'm a lot happier.

Christmas will pass in a blur and you'll probably feel fairly emotional throughout it but as time can't go backwards pass it will. Just try and find something to smile about on a daily basis. Even if it's the ridiculousness of trying to smile when you feel like crying. As cliched as it is, time is a healer and you won't feel this bad the same time next year.

Chin up xx

[888sally888]

My ex husband left me and girls of 8 and 10 on 1st December 2000. It was awful beyond belief and Christmas passed in a blur.

Here I am Dec 2006 remarried to a lovely man - dont give up - you will be fine in the long run I promise x

[tomtech]

thanks everyone, a problem shared and all that. i will write off christmas this year and look forward to being away from here for new years eve, and get some sun! this time next year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. thanks again. tom.

[Champagne]

I've broken up with my boyfriend. I left on Friday but met him last night and he admitted to cheating on me. It's not very nice, but I've got to keep my chin up and get through Christmas. It's also puts paid to my Dubai holiday in January. Dammit!!

[China Doll]

Sorry Tom....

Hey Champers, I'm really sorry to hear that. Just remember it's him not you. You're a good lass and you'll find someone who deserves you. Just keep that smile and that fiestiness your pixels say you have and I reckon it'll all come good in the end. Take care of yourself xx

[Emma G 1650]

Hi, sorry to hear about your break up - i've just had the most furious row with my bf today and ended up telling him i didn't want to see him this evening so not to bother coming home! we both exchanged harsh words - we always seem to have huge arguments every few months usually about the same trivial things and he always threatens to leave me and my 8 year old daughter - i decided i'd had enough of his threats plus he's been getting right on my wick starting to get really controlling over me. Anyway, he's stormed in tonight thrown some clothes in a bag and gone saying it's over and he won't be coming back, now he's ignoring my texts and told me not to contact him - 5 days before christmas - great. We both said nasty things to one another but now it seems it really is over just have to break the news to my 8 year old which is more than likely going to ruin christmas all round but then i was a single mum for 7 years so i guess i'm back there again. I'm not looking for any sympathy on this one as i believe we are both to blame - just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one in a break up situation. Plus even though christmas may be a little different this year just think of all those people who have lost a loved one, especially those recently, i'm sure their christmas will be a very difficult one this year - it makes you think how short life is. I just hope my bf and me can put aside our differences before the big day (although i don't hold out any hope) if not for the sake of the little one. People say things happen for a reason and maybe they do. Have a nice christmas and new year xx

[MrBen5]

Hey hold on a minute Emma G, dont break any news to your daughter just yet. you have only just had the argument. Dont be so melodramatic. You need to calm down and stop rushing into decisions. You say you argue every couple of months, so whats the difference this time? Just give it a day or so and see how it goes. Dont go spoiling xmas for you daughter. Just leave it a while...

[Emma G 1650]

Thanks for that quick response MrBen5! Maybe you are right, i think me and my bf both rush into things and are both melodramatic at times and yes why should this argument be any different to any other? i think because he says this will be the last time this happens - thats why i'm feeling this is kind of final. I will take your advice though and hold off telling my daughter the news at the minute, it just gets awkward when the questions are asked, like in the morning when she asks where he is and why he never came home.

[MrBen5]

Nice Emma G, i see you have calmed down a little. I am sure you can find an excuse you can tell her for a couple of days. Give him time to calm down too and no doubt you will be back together by the weekend. Hopefully...

[xxlizziexx]

firstly, i'd lke to say sorry to hear about your sister. life can be very hard sometimes but it only makes you stronger and a better person in the end..its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but life does get better, even if it does take a long time...i promise
even though im only 16, i recently broke up with my boyfriend -14 months we were together and even though that may not be a long time to other people but it is a long time cmpoared to alot of ppl my age that have had relationships - everyone though we'd be together forever..even though i was the one to break up with him it still really hurts...i really cared about him so much...it spread quickly that we'd split up and people were amazed as they thought we'd be together forever...now my best friend is into my ex's brother...that hurts even more i think...even though im so happy that shes happy and he's happy its still feels like she's replaced me in their family...as i was really close to them all, they we're like my own family....worest part is she didnt even think twice about going for him, didnt think how i'd feel...i know i sound like an awful friend and i shouldn't say things like i have but it just hurts not being taken into concideration ya no...xx