Do I expect too much?

[zimzam]

I sent my friends 3 children �20 each for Xmas. They all know my address and email and not one has bothered to either acknowledge or thank me for their present. Their ages are 12,14 and 16. Do I expect too much or would anyone think simply a thank you or acknowledgement would have been expected to have been received - because I did expect at least that much.

[snigsthecat]

i dont think its too much to expect but the next time you see your friend and the children they may thank you then... after all its better to be thanked in person i think.
After all yesterday was hectic for most kids and simple manners for people who are not there in person go out of the window.
Wait and see is my advice.
Why dont you make sure the kids recieved the gift after all you know what the postal system is like.

[BBWCHATT]

If 3 children in the same family don't respond with a proper thank you - my guess is that the parents haven't taught them that a gift requires a thank you. They are to blame, not the children.

[Ethel]

When did they have their gifts? If it was yesterday - it's a bit soon to expect a response!

In early January you can ask their parents if they received their gifts - and express your disappointment in not getting any acknowldedgment.

As already mentioned, this is down to the way they have been brought up.

[birdwoman]

I buy my friend's kids gifts every year for Christmas and birthday and I never get any thanks. It does annoy me as I recall every year as a child my mother sitting me down and making me write thank you letters for gifts received. It's not just kids though - there have been a few unacknowledged wedding gifts too.

In answer to your question - no I do know think you expect too much - manners cost nothing!

[Finance Guy]

Give it a few days and you will get a thankyou im sure. The average kid must have got 20+ presents yesterday so it is a bit much to expect them to show full gratitude so soon to all kind and generous donors! (although, not unreasonable of you to expect it I assure you).

Some people will never even got the required 'thankyou' for nice gestures like this and this may lead them to believe that the person was not too fussed either way and vote accordingly the following year - i.e. just give a card and get the same response, or lack thereof! (but be �60 up on the deal!)

Main point is Zimzam, you would be the sort of person to text, call, email with a thankyou but not everybody is brought up with the same ideals when it comes to good manners. Take the high ground and satisfy yourself that you did a lovely gesture and your reward will come, at latest, in heaven but hopefully sooner!

Merry Christmas to you !

[WendyS]

I don't think it's too much to expect a "thank you", even though it's probably a little too soon to expect an acknowledgement if they didn't open their presents until yesterday. They're certainly all old enough to go through the motions. . However I was brought up having to write all my "thank you" letters on Christmas afternoon and it seems that good manners, like common sense, have become virtually extinct these days. Like you, I have grown weary of those who never bother to say "thank you" and now don't include them in m list. If you haven't had a reply within a week, I'd be tempted to ring up and ask if it's arrived as you're going to complain to the Post Office about non-delivery of the money and wonder whether it's been stolen in the post. And next year, if you're still inclined to go through the same hoop again, send them cheques but "accidentally" forget to sign them and delay several weeks before returning them. I bet you'll soon get a very quick acknowledgement then !!

[BBWCHATT]

WendyS - perfect solution - not signing the checks!!! :)

[zimzam]

Thank you all for your advice. I won't see the children because I have moved away and distance precludes and the parents have split up, the children now living with their Father. I was on the phone to my friend, the Mother, and the children were apparently watching tv and sent a message via the Mother to say thank you for their presents. I guess I indirectly have had a thank you but in a manner that has really annoyed me, and they have gone back to their Father today so I won't hear from them.

[Scotman84]

Hi Zimzam. i appreciate your comments, but both my children were taught to reply after they have spent the money (usually in the sales on something they wanted but didn't receive). That way, they can tell you what they bought, or whether they have saved it for a special occasion. That way, the kids can't just fritter it away, and you can see the purpose to which your gift has been put.

[normy]

give them a chance, they are having a fantastic time, and probby haven't,spent it yet/.......,maybe a phone call will come once hey've bought something, if not. give them a call and ask them?!?!?!?

[Alibobs]

It is far too soon to expect written thanks - wait and see.

My children aged 14 and 17 do send thank you letters - but wouldn't unless i told them too. I was forced to write thank yous as a child and hated it but it has obviously rubbed off on me. I am sure my two will be forcing their children in years to come!!!

[Postdog]

"You know what the postal system is like"

Oh, if only you realised what we have to put up with at christmas. I mean it might help if half the people who sent cards not only wrote clearly so we would have a chance or actually checked the address it was going to to see if it was correct.

[K@]

if u expect anything back from these kids in any way shape or form...
u shouldnt of gave em anything
Remember this and
Save ur money next year

Sorry dont mean to sound harsh...

[meltoadhall]

i dont insist on writing thank you cards, but we do ring everyone that gave us a present or go and see them to say thank you
if they said thanks over the phone then that is probably your lot.

[joannie10]

when i was young my mum always made us write thank you letters by the time we went back to school after christmas so still some time. I know though that a lot of children do not bother these days which is a shame and just shows they are pretty ungrateful and get too much if you ask me - although obviously not getting much guidelines from parents. My sister ensures that her kids do it but my brother does not bother. His daughter was moaning about a 2nd cousin not spelling her name correctly year after year and I pointed out that how would she know when she has never written to her to thank her or even bothered to send a card. Mind you the same 2nd cousins daughter has never thanked me.

[Paul22118]

Things ain't what they used to be mate. Next year send them 20p and see what response that brings.
We replied to every single prezzy no matter what value, handwritten whether we liked it or not. That is good upbringing.

[Sozzie]

I was always brought up to thank family/friends for presents.
As previous post have said the children are probably busy but I think because everyone has a mobile phone these days there is no excuse to give you a call.

[kaylamay]

you absolutely are not expecting too much! The children are all old enough to at least ask for your phone number or email you a Thank you although in person or over the phone would be better. The parents should have made sure the children sent out their thanks to you. I would ask your friend, "Oh, did the children get my gifts?" and if she says yes, i would then say, "oh, I was wondering as i hadn't heard from them" and leave it at that. If she has even a modicum of intelligence she will get your hidden meaning and feel a little shame and maybe go home and have her kids call and properly think you. Next year my advice would be not to bother with the money and just send a card. Once bitten twice shy I say.
Mikala

[zimzam]

I thank everyone for their views and help. I am also of the opinion that most of us were brought up with good manners and almost ordered as minors to say thank you, therefore as adults its automatic for us to say a thank you and also educate our offspring in the same manner that we were taught. I have never met my friends children as they live in America. I have made two previous posts concerning my friend (who I paid her holiday ticket to the UK) who left with no thanks to me for the money that I had spend (and it was a few thousand) she had said that her children never receive presents from the family apart from her and their Father so I felt sorry for them and wanted to give them something this year. I posted about it and the suggestions were that I got vouchers and sent money. The 3 girls all have computers at their Mothers apartment - they spent Christmas with their Mother (my friend) and therefore could have emailed me as they all know my address. Email being the only option as I am deaf and cannot receive a phone call.........so at the end of the day it seems I am in contact with a very nice family who have not been taught any of the good mannered and polite ways that it seems most of us expect. I wanted to give the children a gift that they never get from their own aunts and uncles and as unemployed it took a lot to save up for them. My reward would have been to have received simply an individual thank you. Next year I think I will pay the same amount to a charity in the UK. At least I now understand why they never receive presents and its probably because they do not acknowledge receipt let alone thank the recipient.