Problems with my in-laws

[mumof3boys!!]

I really could do with some advice.
My MIL normally would do a buffet on Boxing Day for the family but she told my husband 4 weeks before Xmas that she wasn't doing anything this year, instead she would do one on New Years Eve. I decided I would invite everyone to our house on the 23rd for a buffet, which I did and everyone came(although no one seemed to talk to me very much). I had a niggling doubt that something was happening on Boxing Day but they had all decided not to tell us. I was right, they were all invited to my BIL's.

I'm really annoyed about this, it's not so much not being invited it's the secrecy and deceit. I don't want to go to MIL
house on New Years Eve after this but my husband says I'm over reacting and he wont say anything to them. If I say something then I'll be made to feel like the bad one for having the audacity to say something.

Do I stay away to prove a point(i don't really like their company much anyway) or do I go and bite my tongue ar go and say something- that may cause an argument.

Advice please

[ummmm]

Why wouldn't they tell you? Have you had a fall out or something?

[ummmm]

To be honest, I'd be furious and would probably find a few choice words to let them know how I feel....with it I'd make sure they had reason to never invite me again!!!

[mumof3boys!!]

Hi

Underlying reason, well they haven't said anything to me but I don't think there too keen on me plus 2 years ago we had everyone to ours on New Years Eve then last year my brother in law had averyone to his at New Year and both years my MIL has had the buffet on Boxing night.
This year I think because I didn't volunteer to have the New Year party at mine nobody has asked and they have made there own arrangements excluding us.
My husbands family don't say anything to your face it's all done behind your back, I think it's a disgrace.

My husband doesn't see that, but I think it's because there his family and I wanted him to say something BUT he wont.

[daisy48]

Arrrgghh flippin outlaws!! I get the same every year with mine mumof3. They've caused endless row's between me and my hubby as he usually takes their side in an effort not to upset them. The last time we had them over for Xmas my MIL never ate a thing. All she had was a bread roll without the soup. Seeing as I'd worked damn hard flogging my guts out to make their Xmas meal extra special I was miffed to say the least. I've never invited them over since. All I can say is, if your MIL does'nt like you just try to accept it and dont let them spoil your life. The less I see of mine,the better.

[suzyangel]

Say something to them, but tell your husband 1st. Tell him if you don't it will fester and you will lose respect for yourself! And him! What a horrible thing to do.

[lady_p_gold]

I would just smile sweetly and go .... and say nothing. To be honest in my experience the fallout from saying anything is far worse and then once you have said something you can't undo it and there will be an atmosphere. If they don't like you then that is their problem, and your husband will only always be caught in the crossfire and he is in a no win situation. So ... rise above it and don't sink to their level, you are better than that I think that is the best way. Better to put up with their rudeness than have a big family rift that will escalate.

[fee-is-me]

In-laws :0(

Life's too short.

I am a very calm and non-confrontational person. I hate to argue!

But..

...ffs... they have been rude!! Would they treat their friends in that way?

Sometimes families are the nastiest, most spiteful people to be involved with simply because they know they can get away with it.

My advice would be to NOT go to your mother-in-law's do. To tell her, and anyone else the decision may affect, beforehand, and then have a bloody good time doing what you WANT to do, instead.

So what if it causes an argument...? I mean, really...? There are worse things to happen to a family.

Please yourself and feel good about it!

[sako 243]

i feel very sorry for you mumof3boys.every year we have the problem of trying to please everyone at xmas.usually i(son in law)am the bad one by doing what i want and not going out my way to please everyone else.this year,mil comes round and moans that other sil is the baddie this year for moaning that she(mil)is not going to his(sil)for xmas.bear with me,it not a short answer.on hearing this,i told her to do as i do and to do what she wants and not what other people want.she then agreed and i think she sees my point.dont get me wrong,i like to try to appease the other half and our wee boy but thats the stretch of it.if your husband thinks you are over reacting he is trying to calm the situation as i dont believe he really thinks that.personally,i would do something else with the people that means most to you and say f**k you to the rest as you dont need family like them.anyhow,i hope you have a really good new year and all the best for 07.

[chicklin]

Personally I'd stay away. I'd find someting to do that I really wanted to do and really enjoy myself. Sod them!

[mumof3boys!!]

Hi all,

I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your replies, they have helped alot.
I have decided to go tomorrow night and I plan to drop subtle hints throughout the night in the hope that they will come clean, failing that I hope that either my husband or I will say something, I don't think they should get away with it without something being said.
I will let you all know what happens, in the meantime have a fab New Years Eve.