kids stinking of smoke

[ilovemarkb]

My 2 sons go to stay with their dad every 2nd weekend, trouble is their clothes stink of cigarette smoke.When i ask them if their dad and his girlfriend have been smoking they say that they only smoke on the doorstep.I have asked their dad not to do this and admittedly it doesnt happen all the time, how do i tackle this without causing arguments, or upsetting my boys. They would be heart broken if i stopped them from going to their dads?

[Fish the Mod]

I would take a different angle. Pick up information regarding the dangers of smoking, give some horror stories to the kids about passive smoking. ' I wish your dad would give up instead of going to an early grave'. Maybe they might want to keep out of his way or maybe maon to him.

[ilovemarkb]

thanks for tht fish!!!

[B00]

Oooo, no, don't send your kids to their dads loaded with leaflets, it'll cause Word War 3!

Have your kids complained themselves of the smell? Or is it that you dislike the smell on their clothing. In all fairness I really don't think you should be preaching to their father and his partner, I think they are at least being considerate and smoking on the doorstep. It's just inevitable I'm afraid that their own clothing stinks and it's being passed on to your childrens clothing.

If this were me, I'd say nothing at all and just wash their clothing as soon as they came home.

[B00]

Plus I also think it's a dreadful idea putting the idea that their dad could cark it sooner rather than later due to smoking, it'll give 'em nightmares!

[katieb73]

I had this problem a long time ago when my son was 3. he used to go out with his dad for the day and come home reeking, but also coughing as his dad smoked in the car with the windows up... I said that it was his habit and not to inflict it upon my son. it took a bit of time but worked. the most important thing i think is not to play one parent off against the other. My ex used to tell son that he should like him best and not me. it was a horrible time, but you have to be fair to the children and not scare them or manipulate them. tis a difficult one and i feel for you. Have to say that my ex disappeared off the face of the earth 8 years ago and my son and i have never looked back! Good luck, stay firm x

[bex401]

I have the same problem,when my daughter comes home on a Sunday evening,she stinks of smoke & is immediately stripped & dunked in the bath with a good hair washing!!She tells him that smoking is no good for him,but needless to say it goes in one ear & out the other.Think we notice it more as ours is a no smoking home,but it is not nice.

[Jellybean22]

I know this is probably totally unrelated but when i used to stay at my boyfriends mums house i would go home reeking of smoke even though she had been home for weeks as she had been stopping at her boyfriends house. The smoke smell just lingers in a smokers house and always makes you stink of it.

[ilovemarkb]

Thanks for all your replies!The boys have asked their dad to stop smoking a few times and he packs in for a week or so then starts smoking again. I lost my mum to lung cancer , she was only 49 and im terrified that my kids are breathing in their dads smoke. Their clothes do smell really bad and their hair etc. Ive already explained the dangers to smoking so they already know that their dads life could be cut short!

[silkychicken]

I hate to see children being subjected to cigarette smoke. The adults have no thought for the health of the children they're supposed to love. The adults concerned should decide which is more important - their children or their fags.
If it was my children I would stop sending them to their fathers until he gives up. Explain to the kids that you feel very strongly about this and are doing it because you love them and don't want them to be made ill because their father is smoking over them. Harsh I know, but I was made very ill as a child by my parents smoking and suffered many years of chest infections, which only stopped when I grew up and left home.

[WendyS]

I think perhaps the only way of exerting pressure on your ex is to get the children to persuade him to stop smoking because they're worried about him dying of cancer.

If they keep saying "Dad, we wish you would stop smoking because we're really worried you're going to die and leave us" that might make more or an emotional impact on him than anything you could say. If your children are old enough to understand that smoking can kill, this might have some effect but if they're very young, all this might do is frighten them and that wouldn't be a good idea.