Ok, i need some serious advice...

[jelly-baby]

Basically, I am about 7 weeks pregnant. The father is married and i have obviously been having an affair with him.

He wants me to have a termination, although he has said it is my choice and he is not is a position to force me to do anything.

I am 29 years old and have no children so i am really worried about the affect of an abortion on my body (for future pregancies etc). I have told him that i will have an abortion but i feel i am doing it more so that it doesnt wreck his marriage, rather than because it is what is best for me.

I dont expect him to leave his wife and everything to work out perfectly for him and me, i am prepared to bring the baby up on my own if i go ahead with the pregnancy.

I went to the doctor to arrange the termination and was kind of hoping he would offer me some kind of councelling or something but he was very cold about it and has not even told me what is going to happen, just that his office will call me with an appointment.

Im now really confused and dont know whether to just have the abortion and get on with my life (ive told him i dont want to see him again if i have the abortion). Or have the baby (which i think is the option that feels more right for me) which will in turn end his marriage, and completely turn my life around.

I dont want to be responsible for ending his marriage, but is that a good enough reason to have a termination?

[smudge]

If that previous link isn't as helpful as intended, you could try this one - I'm genuinely trying to help you jelly-baby & wish you well. -xx-

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/333

[Eve]

Hey honey, sounds like it'd be a good idea to go and chat through things with someone non-judgmental You could try here for some advice, they have a helpline and centres too...

http://www.careconfidential.com/

It may be an idea to get away from things for a few days on your own or with someone supportive and non-judgmental where you can think and go through your options and decide what's best for you regardless of anyone else.

HIS marriage has nothing to do with your pregnancy, it is for him to worry about, not you.

If you needed to you could move away and have a fresh start with or without the baby.

i wish you well in whatever you choose to do xxx

[jelly-baby]

Thanks for everyones advice. It sems that people on here are more understanding than someone who is supposed to be my best friend.

[~max~]

Of course, we're all strangers and it's easy to give an opinion when you don't know the person.
Ultimately, the answer is yours. Take everything into consideration, and make the best decision for yourself, which is the best anyone can tell you. Best of luck! xxxx

[auzzie]

I don't think you should be too hard on your friend. You are , obviously, able to have children, she is struggling and it can be devasting. Look at her point of view. She, i would assume, is in a very happy relationship, flawed by the inability to have children Whereas you............are you happy, is it a relationship? Does he really care? Has he mentioned he is going to leave his wife if you have the baby?
To her you can have the one thing she craves for and you are asking her advise. No wonder she got upset. If you too was a true friend, you should have known this was not the right topic of conversation to be having with her.
Think of your life and that of the affects of possibly bringing a child up on your own. I was on my own for 4 years bringing my son up and it's not a place i want to be again. I wish you well.

[Slooow_Jo]

I would be interested in hearing an update of what you decide to do x

[jelly-baby]

auzzie, my friend is 26 and no, their marriage is not that great. she is always complaining about him and even threatened him with divorce last week. i sit and listen to her everytime she moans about him and never tell her to leave him, i just listen. Maybe im being unreasonable but it was difficult when i called her because i needed to talk to someone and she told me to get rid of it (those words). They are not desperately trying for a baby, more a case of if it happens then it happens.

[enigma]

Oh my , how the mighty fall ! It wasn't so long ago you were posting stupid threads about teen mums , questioning their ability to bring up a child and more or less saying that they were the scourge of society and yet look at you , pregnant to a married man ! You ridiculed my young sister on here for being a mum at 17 , seeming to find it funny that she had a baby and could not yet vote. You also felt the need to mention it again on other posts which she participated on where it wasn't even relevant. What makes you think that you have the right to sit in moral judgement over ANYONE after a revelation like that ? You have the morals of an alleycat and unlike you , my sister may be young but her child is being brought up well , his father was ONLY involved with my sister and he is a very much wanted and loved baby. It didn't stop you ripping into her though and here you are with your bleedin heart story , woah is me , I slept with a married man and was stupid enough not to use contraception - now i'm pregnant. Boo hoo. Maybe you should sort out your own life before launching attacks on others about THEIR personal circumstances , taking the moral high ground when you clearly have no morals of your own. If you came on here to court sympathy , well you don't have mine. You made your bed - quite literally - so now lie in it. You keep bleating on that you don't want to ruin this guy's marriage , bit late for that don't you think ? Perhaps you should have thought about that BEFORE you leapt into bed with him to have unprotected sex.

[Miss Inquiry]

Jelly-Baby, I obvioulsy don't know your man, but from an outsiders point of view you might want to think about what whould happen if his wife did find out, maybe they would split up, maybe it would make them stronger(I doubt it but it could). From my perspective I wouldn't be surprised if he left her and then left you. If he has been unhappily married for a long time and then it ends, he will undoubtedly throw himself into his new single life, sowing more seeds. He obviously has little concern for her feelings, so why would he have feelings of loyalty to you.
Sounds harsh, but something you might want to think about seriously.