what have i done

[havinmysay]

i think i have done something really stupid.......
i have 2 half brothers who were adopted when they were young and the oldest son has tried to get in contact with my dad by writing a letter he put his mobile number on which i saved as i wanted to get in touch with him.my dad doesnt want anything to do with him as he was so hurt before.well anyway iv text him pretending im someone else who had the wrong number and we have carried on texting for the past couple of days.i feel so selfish and dont want to hurt my dad but i cant stop texting him what should i do? x

[ummmm]

Why does your Dad not want to know?

[Octavius]

Does the brother know who you are now that you have been texting for a while?

I would imgaine that you have a right to be in contact with this person, and maybe you should explain this to your dad emphasisng that whilst you don't want to hutt his feelings, you have a right to know or at least meet your half brothers.

[noxlumos]

Ok, this isn't about your Dad, this is about you and your brother. Call your brother ( don't text) and tell him who you are. At this point you have a chance to salvage it, so take it, Be honest. His feelings will be all up in the air as well so he's likely to understand and not judge you too harshly.
There's no need for your Dad to know anything at this point, so tackle one issue at a time.

[havinmysay]

years ago when we first found out my sister was really upset
they got adopted 27 years ago and i just think my dad sees it as we all have our own lives now

[Lore]

I understand you don't want to hurt your dad but you have to come clean with your brother, your identity will be revealed at some point so it's best to tell him your reasons for pretending to be someone else and start again before it's too late - Even if your dad doesn't want to be in contact with him, there's no reason why you can't.

[ummmm]

It's not very fair on him though. He thinks he's texting a stranger and he's texting his sister. tell him asap

[raysparx1]

listen to what nox and Lore have said, don't be deceptive with your brother, tell him who you are.

[unruliejulie]

i agree, come clean before it goes too far. In my opinion, you have every right to get to know your brother. It is your Dads choice not to see him and that may be his loss, however, do tell your dad of your wishes, secrets are not good and hard work. all the very best x.

[havinmysay]

also my dads ex wife has phoned a couple of times as she is back in touch with both my half brothers and told my dad he was planning on getting in touch but to be careful as he always wants money and has been in prison

[badgerchops]

The serious thing is that he may start flirting with you thinking your a strange girl. Then it will be embarassing to have a sibling relationship
be honest NOW

Write and say 'i have a very big confession to make which may shock you and i apologise for misleading you. I am ____ and your sister. I found your number and every part of me wanted to get in touch but didn't want to hurt peoples feelings. i need to be honest as i am so pleased to talk.text you' or something like that....

you have to do it today and no more jokey texts in the meanwhile. this is serious and needs to be established as to who you are

After you have been honest, it is up to you if you want to text. he is your brother and its your right to have a relationship with him if you wish and this has no reflection on your love for your father. You may even help to mend bridges

[havinmysay]

badgerchops your words are really touching and im gonna tell him in your exact words he is gonna text me when he has finished work thankyou so much

[badgerchops]

Ok cool, glad i could help. You need to text him first. If he says he is gonna text you when he finishes work you dont want him to start chatting/flirting this evening. Let him know asap this afternoon who you are.

Let us know tho' and be brave in being truthful.
Also,
If he has been in trouble before thats his history. he may have had a bad childhood being adopted and he went off the rails for a while. This has no reflection on him being your brother and so ignore what his mother says. Its about you knowing him, thats all
x

[geminij]

i agree with badger chops, you have to come clean. if your dad doesnt want to be involved that is his decision. Your brother will have had counselling on how to deal with rejection when he decided to find his natural parents

[havinmysay]

well iv told him.......he says hes glad i got in touch but doesnt want to cause any problems for me i dont no if iv done the right thing

[badgerchops]

You have done the right thing as you now have each others numbers and can build a relationship slowly. Can i ask how old you are and do you live with your dad still?

Text him and say 'Although i love dad i unfortunately do not agree with his decision. As i need to get to know you i will have a word with dad so he is aware that i wish to contact you. i am glad we have each others numbers as i want you to know that i want to be in touch'

Then, have a word with your dad. Dont tell him about the texts already. Say 'i have a confession which may disapoint you. i made a note of ____'s number as i really wanted to make contact. Whilst i completely understand that it may be difficult for you, i want to be in touch with him and to establish contact. i want to be honest and let you know that this is my wish and hope you will support me.

[havinmysay]

sorry badgerchops im 22 and still live at home with parents been speaking for a few days now he is so lovely he lives about 3 hours away but planning to meet up end of feb xx