usless?

[joshieboyo]

I live alone and don't very often see my family, I feel like I am a burden to them so I don't very often call on them for anything, unless its things I can't do then I call my son. After my wife dies my son suggested I go into sheltered accommodation and I said no, I have become less able over the past few years and like a lot of people have some illnesses that prevent me from doing certain things, however, I am very happy in my home and it is full of memories for me. My son called me last night (which is a surprise in itself) and said that he and his wife had been talking with my daughter and they have come to the conclusion that I would benefit more from being in a home! I do not want to go into a home! I told my son this and he said I am being awkward and am in denial, that I was an old man and should start acting like one, that I would end up falling and hurting myself if I am not looked after properly (I can look after myself son, I told him) I'm sure that most people think that once you reach a certain age you must be totally incapable of doing anything!

[MiniN]

just tell them, joshie, that you'll go in a home of your own accord if that time ever comes.

i think alot can be said for independance and you shouldnt be made to feel like a burden for wanting it!

your son sounds very direspectful, maybe you should remind him he's still your son and your the father and its not the other way around.

my last piece of wisdom...don't do anything you don't want to, its your life and you have to live it your own way!

x

[Pippa68]

I really hate to say it, but cynical old me was thinking exactly what samuel23 has posted :o(

I really can't fathom why else your son would even mention a home...sorry joshie x

[Octavius]

Yes I have to agree.

I don�t have grandparents, I wish I did, but life isn�t like that is it. My grandparents-in-law however are a unique experience to me, and a bit of an eye opener! My wife�s grandparents (on one side) are 78 & 81, still married (61 yrs), have their own house, their own life and drive around the countryside in their own car enjoying life to the full. Sometimes I believe they are more active than many of my 20/30-something friends. On the other side, my wife�s Nan is 79 lives in her own bungalow and cycles everywhere.

They are an inspiration and I am privileged to know them. It would seem form the outside, that your son and daughter�s motives are quite selfish, whether it be financial or on the basis of their own conscience (guilt for moving away etc).

Providing you are financially secure and physically adroit, I see no reason why you shouldn�t be able to continue just as you are.

[porfavour]

Hello joshieboyo,

Whilst I am also a cynical bitch and would question their motives especially regarding the disposal of your home, which I am presumming you own - though you havent told us.

I think the reason for your son's decision is guilt!

He has little contact with you and probably feels guilty for not checking on you or involving you more into the family.
He wants to put you in a home so he doesnt feel guilty about anything happening to you. He is trying to hand you over 'like a package' to a home, so that he can stop feeling guilty.

Currently, should anything happen to you, he thinks he will get the blame. He wants to blame someone else, hence the idea of a home. He will then feel he has fulfilled his duty as a son.

I watched a lovely dvd recently called 'Mrs Calicots Cabbage War', it stars Pauline Collins and John Alderton, see if you can get hold of a copy, or I'll send you mine. It'll help you to get your fighting spirit to deal with this situation.
Kindest regards,
Deb

[silverdaler]

Hi Joshie.
Can I just clarify something here for you.
Firstly, NOONE can force you to move against your will (unless it is for your own protection under the Mental Health Act)
IF you could not cope at home, the only way you could go straight to Residential or Nursing Home is if you were totally self funding - which could be in excess of �400 per week!
That would soon use up his inheritance !
If you needed financial help, Social Services would try to put in care to keep you at home first, they would only move you from your home as a last resort.
Going into a home is not as simple as it used to be.
He needs to get his facts straight.
You take care honey - stay where you are, stay happy ! xx