What would you do?

[Skreecheeboy]

What would you do if you fancied somebody but they knew you had genital herpes (which flare up every 6-8 weeks, is sore and will never go away)? Should you ask them out anyway even though you know that they don't have it and probably just wants to be friends anyway or take a risk and ask them if they would be willing to risk it...is it fair to ask them at all? Is it fair to not ask??? Help greatly appreciated!

[Scarlett]

It's not fair for you to go your whole life never having sex because you have this unfortunate condition. I would ask out who you like, and look to having a relationship before even thinking about sex. THEN if you get serious, you can tell them about it. If they really like you and want to risk it fine. If they don't, fine. It just means using condoms forever, doesn't it? But don't go announcing it on a first date or you'll never get a second one!

[snagged]

scarlett, they already 'know' he has this condition...

[Scarlett]

O sorry!! Didn't read properly!

[ummmm]

Of course it fair....you have 5-6 weeks in between the flare ups....

[Joe_the_Lion]

Can you not find somebody with herpes as well? I am sure there are sights. Ergo, everyone's a winner.

[Joe_the_Lion]

sites in fact. I have jet lag.

[dot.hawkes]

surely if you are already suffering from a sexually transmitted disease, you would be more inclined in future to be more careful about who you choose as a sexual partner and how much protection you used too. It would actually be a criminal act in some countries to infect another person if you were already diagnosed with a highly contagious condition. it is good that you already know that this other person is not infected, has this person had a test or are you relying on their word or local gossip?
After all, they may not have the same condition as yourself but that does not exclude them from being in the very high percentage of people in this country who are carrying a sexually transmitted disease.

[Skreecheeboy]

Cheers Joe, I've looked into that option but I'd like to try the traditional way first. The other people that have it in my city are obviously not as honest as me and the one other person that has a personal ad on the mpwh site! Some stats I've read say 1 in 5 folk have it!

[Joe_the_Lion]

dotty, there are stated cases in this country. Although no relevant intent (mens rea) was present, the recklessness of their sexual actions, i.e not wearing a johnny etc, amounted to assault. Can not remember the case name, sorry.

(PS I think it was HIV and/or AIDS) but I see no difference)

[havinmysay]

can i ask how he/she knows in the first place

[Skreecheeboy]

Yeah I read somethin in last week's metro about STI's being passed on and people being charged for not warning partners about it. It's the guilt that would annoy me the most, don't know how anybody could live with themselves!

[prattler]

I think the case you are talking about got settled last year.It was a woman in her early 40s who'd slept with ther boyfriend -and other men after being diagnosed with HIV and not disclosing it to them.There doesn't seem to be any sort of precedent for knowingly passing on other STD's, very hard to prove.The main feature of that case was obviously the potential fatal consequences of HIV, and the fact that she was aware of her condition.Where herpes in concerned, though not life-threatening, it is an ongoing condition and has to be handles delicately as other posters have said.As far as asking this girl out, it's hard to say.if she says no, it might not be because of the herpes, but because she doesn't see you in that way.As a woman I'd have to say that if I got to know someone and liked them, the herpes thing wouldn't be a big deal.

[Pippa68]

I agree with the above.

Surely if you are just asking her out, the sex bit could be sorted out later..if she likes you in that way, it shouldn't be a problem.

[Skreecheeboy]

Thanks everybody! I think I'll go for it! what have I got to loose apart from a wee bit of embarassment.