bedroom trouble

[myselfness]

Ok, but of a strange one-mostly to the guys, but me and my partner have recently jsut started getting "intimate" and he finds it difficult staying "hard"
I was unsure about it at first, but he said its beause of nerves: ive been with more patners then he has so says he is worried he wont meet my standards

obviously not carrying the equipment i dont understand how it works, could it actaully be that or is he jsut making excuses? and tbh i dont actually quite understand it still?

any words of wisdom would be appreciated
thanks x

[ll_billym]

I am assuming that it isn't a medical thing here as he does get it up in the first place, so to speak.

It is psychological thing and worry is the reason, it does have that effect. A penis becomes erect when blood flows into it, anxiety causes blood vessels to constrict , this can have the effect you are seeing.

In the first instance it was probably nerves about with being with a new partner and not wanting to disappoint. Subsequently he now has not only has the original worries but he now has the memories of not performing last time so the pressure to perform is increased, therefore he becomes even more anxious and it becomes a vicious circle.

The best way to solve this is to not make him feel any pressure to have penetrative sex, let him know you are happy doing whatever he feels comfortable with. Maybe let him pleasure you, tell him what you like, this is a turn on for guys. Or maybe just kiss, cuddle and touch. Once he feels that the pressure is off him, he will relax, nature will take it's course and all will be well in the jungle.

[Sasha13]

good advice above - you could take it a step further to take the pressure off him a bit and make an agreement with him not to have sex for a set length of time, say, 4 weeks. You can do anything but. That takes the pressure straight off him (and will make you horny as hell too!) Don't say to him 'well you've got this problem so we're gonna do this' though, obviously.

At least you're talking about it with him - I don't think he's making excuses - I sometimes think us girls have it easy with the whole sex thing and I wouldn't like to be a bloke in this situation.

[cartman99]

Has he been out of action for a while?, if so then he may be worrying to much about whether he can perform to perform.

Yep it happens (so ive heard)

[langholme]

as a bloke, I can tell you If a bloke can't stay hard it is usually psychological which could be a thousand and one things. It could be related to his relationship history. have you discussed this with him?

[myselfness]

thanks, that helps alot
we've talked about it a bit more and im starting to understand it a bit better,
thanks again x

[singledad]

nerves do play a big part, especially if the bloke is genuine and not out for a good time. its happened to me on occassions but it doesnt take long to get back to normal. just relax him and tease until he is ready. hope that helps

[dave1969]

As a man i have had the same problem and all men do but wont admit it.
In time when he is relaxed it will get better and beer dosnt help
just relax