Does society place too much pressure on women to get married?

[Sasha13]

I ask because I've been asked myself how am I ever going to meet 'Mr Right' if I'm having no strings dabbles with other blokes and because at least two posts I've seen today congratulate women for having found boyfriends. I think some women want partners because society tells them there is something wrong with them if they are single. Any views? I'm not a man hating feminist by the way, but it has got me thinking.

[gundog]

I know several one parent families who have well behaved children. Mine for one, my wife left me to bring up 3 by myself. I am not against those who have been left by no fault of their own, but against the ever more numerous women who casually give birth to children whose fathers are unknown and live off my hard earned money and give, or have given nothing to society.

[gundog]

Prattler. The name suits. I have been several times around the World. Raised 3 children by myself whilst holding down a full time job. I've put my life on the line for this country.
I've given and am giving time to the community in which I live even now.
I don't hate women, not even the one who left me.
I just think that people were more RESPECTABLE.
As a youth I was a tearaway but I had respect which is what is lacking these days.
There is little respect for other people or even, amongst the young, themselves.

[gundog]

caz1975. Not a crass assumption. Just open your eyes and look around. I assume you are under 30.

[prattler]

gundog-i might not have been several times round the world-that doesnt make someone an authority on making the old usual biased comments-or bringing up kids for that matter!it just shows your messed up mentality when you are bringing other single parents down? whats that about?a chink in your psyche somewhere i' d say.i'm no authority in psychology, but like you, i am allowed to make judgments.you seem as though you should know better but dont for a minute think your travels or your number of kids makes you an ambassador for single parents!how dare you!your lack of empathy , which is common in human nature points towards a personality disorder of some sorts :-(

[prattler]

or like many before you-'I'm a guy, and bringing up kids on my own-oh woe is me,how great am I??'
Dont forget in over 90% of cases its the woman who has the kids full-time after divorce.Do you want sympathy for something women have to go through every day JUST because you're a man???
Give us a break and stop making smart comments about single parents-I am proud about being a single parent and what i've acheived.stop using 17 yr olds to make an example-they are NOT the norm and insult every parent out their bringing up kids on their own!

[prattler]

I know a few people bringing up kids on thier own.Its the ******** like him with his posts who irritate people with his uneducated rant on single parents.he is not a single parent, he's a crank , making things up as he goes along.Walter MItty springs to mind.I wish his name was literal:gun=dog.i love dogs by the way :-)

[Sasha13]

Any assumptions you make about me are likely to be incorrect. I am 28 years old, have a degree in Chemistry and a job that pays well above the national average. I don't sleep with married men and although I have had one night stands they are not a regular occurence. I take huge care in protecting myself against STD's and have never had a 'pregnancy scare'. My reason for asking the question is because on an earlier thread, when I was asked how am I going to meet Mr Right, it got me thinking because it's something I've worried about lately (meeting Mr Right and if I ever will). I realised that, actually, my life is pretty great at the moment (i.e. being single) and a lot of the reason that I want to meet Mr Right is that I feel society judges me for not having done so yet - "aahhh - you're single? Never mind deary, he'll come along soon" sort of thing. I just wondered what other people's views were.

[Champagne]

Hi Sasha, I think I know where you're coming from.

I'm quite torn on the subject because I'm actually a relationship girl. I don't do flings or one-night stands, but I also don't have much faith in marriage these days because it seems that everyone around me who is married is either divorcing or having affairs! My best friend got her divorce through Tesco for God's sake!!

I'm 34 years old and single and never been married or proposed to (they all knew what the answer would have been!!). For me personally, I just don't know if there is a 'Mr. Right'.

But all I do know is that I won't settle for anything less but the perfect match for me and if I'm destined not to meet him then I will be single until my dying days.

So I guess you could call me a romantic feminist. :o)

[Sasha13]

Exactly Champagne - I have had several long term relationships (and a couple of very short term ;-)) but will never 'settle' for marrying someone. My longest relationship was 5 years - much longer than some people are married. Sometimes not 'settling' makes me feel lonely, but I'd rather that than marry someone who I didn't think I could spend the rest of my life with!!!! My problem is that people make that lonely feeling worse with comments that they make (nothing that has been said on AB I should add) - just things like when I get together with friends I haven't seen for a while one of their first questions is 'are you seeing anyone?'.

I wonder if some girls decide to get married to people who are unsuitable to avoid this feeling??

[Champagne]

"Are you seeing someone?". That is the worst question to be asked! There's no correct answer to this one and it's a pointless question. From a singletons point of view what they're really asking is, "Are you single?". I never, ever try to justify myself in my response but a lot of people come back with the oddest comments!

I think there are lots of reasons why women decide to marry. I knew a girl who always said that she just wanted that rock on her finger. I had no doubt she would get that wish, but would have put money on it not working. I also remember one New Year's Eve many years ago where a friend and I raised our glasses at midnight and made a wish for ourselves. She wished to be married, and I wished to be happy. Funny eh?

Oh, and I once worked with a guy who tried giving me advice on my relationship. He was a deeply religious man and knew that my boyfriend was having jealousy issues which were causing us problems. His solution? That I should marry my boyfriend! He was adamant that once we were married all the jealousy issues would go away. My boyfriend picked me up from work that evening and I raised the conversation with both of them there. My boyfriend turned around and stated in no uncertain terms that marriage WOULD NOT stop his jealousy. !!!

All I know is that love is a wonderful thing and I do miss having a boyfriend/lover/soul mate, but it is not the be all and end all. I still have friends, good job, social life, hobbies, my health, laughter etc.

[whiskeysheri]

I don't ever plan on marrying. I know I did when I was a little girl, but that was more to do with the fairy princess story and 'living happily ever after'. For a lot of couples I know, marriage was just the beginning of the end; it changes things, no matter how you look at it.

A lot of unhappily married couples I know have only stayed together 'for the kids', and the same with the couples who aren't married. I don't think it makes any difference whether they're married or not, or how 'hard' it is to walk away from (is that really a reason to stay with someone if it's not working anyway?!).

I don't think it's right for you to assume, gundog, that it's only this 'Jeremy Kyle' culture that's 'popping out another b@stard'. My paternal grandparents were never married, luckily for my nan as my 'grandad' turned out to be a very evil man. Should she have married him regardless?

I know what you mean, Sasha, there is still a pressure to be 'partnered up', then married, although I'm baffled as to why when you look at divorce staistics. I have been with my boyfriend for almost seven years, so regardless of my age (I'm 22), I'm often asken if we're engaged yet. Sorry if I've gone a bit off topic ^^^. :o) x

[sleepyj]

gun dog my kids are not from a one night stand or anything . i was with him 17 years both kids have same dad . i also work

[jump79]

I think I'm a lot like Champagne, I'd rather wait for the right person -as long as it takes- than waste time with anyone else just for the sake of being with someone.... and I can feel the pressure too from (usually older)people asking the same question. But I'm only 24 so I ignore them anyway.

About marriage and state of society, I think its taken a lot less seriously nowadays, with people getting married only after seeing each other for weeks, and then divorced after a a few months which makes the whole idea a joke really. Its either that, or just frequent, casual relationships with partners co-habiting and raising children without any committment from either side. Also, people seem to be getting more reckless these days, having affairs and strings of boyf's/girlf's, not caring about the consequences while children are often the last thing on these parent's mind.
I'm not generalizing btw and not categorizing all single parents as being that way, just an observation from what I've seen/heard ..... a lot lately.